


Steve's Blog

by finnimbrand



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen, Howling Commandos - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-13
Updated: 2015-07-14
Packaged: 2018-03-12 05:43:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 29
Words: 27,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3345713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/finnimbrand/pseuds/finnimbrand
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How Steve Rogers started a blog, reminisced about the past, looked to the future, made friends, weathered flame wars, stood up for what he believes in, got in fights (the physical kind), lost his ability to throw his shield, tricked Hydra, asked for help, took up target shooting, and oh yeah, saved the world -- in fewer than fifty journal entries.</p><p>The only main character is Steve Rogers.  All other tagged characters are secondary characters, listed in the order that they're first mentioned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I am not currently watching Agents of SHIELD and have only seen part of Season 1, so this piece is AU with respect to AoS canon.
> 
> The concept of this piece (i.e. Steve Rogers, blogging) and a couple of early entries were inspired by an awesome roleplaying game I was briefly part of.
> 
> Also, since I started writing this before Avengers: Age of Ultron came out, I'm not going to be using (or aiming toward) AoU canon.

Steve's Blog  
captainstevenrogers.bigblogityblogsite.com

 

Date: September 3  
Title: 1.  
Status: Public

Hi, everyone, this is Steve Rogers, and this is my online journal. I plan to post observations about my daily life here.

And yes, I am Captain America, and I may post a little about that as well.

I'm pleased to join all of you out here in cyberspace.

 

Date: September 4  
Title: (Natasha?)  
Status: Private message to user red-hourglass

Do you do this to everyone who decides to start a blog, or just me?

 

Date: September 4  
Title: (Natasha?)  
Status: Private message to user red-hourglass

Yeah, I guess I did.

Bucky's still here. We're doing okay. I'm not getting frustrated.

I ran into someone I knew from SHIELD the other day, and they said something that got me thinking, about how I was there at the end pulling everything down and then disappeared. Didn't seem upset, just...bemused? Like maybe I only existed during the crises. I guess that's how it looks.

Well, SHIELD's gone, and I'm still here, and I don't regret a thing, but I just feel like I owe it to the people who listened to me to be...present. Findable. 

Heard this is how people do that now.

 

Date: September 4  
Title: (Natasha?)  
Status: Private message to user red-hourglass

I understand that. 

I don't have any secrets. Do you?


	2. Chapter 2

Date: September 6  
Title: 2.  
Status: Public

I've enjoyed chatting with everyone who commented on my first entry. Thank you for stopping by, I hope you stick around.

There were a few questions that came up more than once, so I'm going to answer them here where everyone can see them. (I'm disqualifying the ones about my dating preferences because I know who was asking that and she knows my answer already.) The top three, after that:

1) Are you -really- Captain America?

I am. But if you don't want to believe me, I'm not sure what I can do about that. You'll just have to trust me on this.

2) Why are you writing a blog? Why aren't you out there right now doing more to stop SHIELD / Hydra? I saw on the news that they're having -more- hearings, and they're always talking about secret Hydra bases... You should stop them!

I've been pretty busy the last few months, but I have been following the news, and I can tell you this: what's happening with SHIELD and Hydra -- that's exactly what should be happening. The whole world now knows all of SHIELD's secrets, and all of Hydra's secrets too, and they're acting on it. SHIELD has been made accountable for its actions. Hydra has been driven back to secret installations and hidden safe houses, and their options are limited. When they're discovered, they're eliminated. It might take some time, but it's happening.

As for me...I've been fighting Hydra more than you think. I can't talk about it here, but it's been a fight worth fighting.

3) Will you have lunch with me / send me an autograph / a picture / I want to send you cookies / ...

Sorry, everyone, I'm just writing a blog. I can't have lunch with everyone who asks, though I'm sure you're all great. I'm also not going to give you my address so you can send me things, and I can't sign anything and return it to you.

Now I've got a few questions for you in return:

1) What's your favorite movie?

2) What do you think is the most important thing to happen in the last 70 years?

3) If you were going to travel for fun, where would you go?

I'm still trying to get used to living here in what seems like the future to me. There's a lot to catch up on, but I always like to hear different perspectives on what's important. Let me know what you think.


	3. Chapter 3

Date: September 8  
Title: 3.   
Status: Public

I'm going to have to set up some ground rules for this blog:

1) Be polite. Have respect for your fellow blog visitors, and for me.

2) Anything that crosses the line, and anything clearly not written in good faith will be deleted.

I'm sorry to have to do that, especially #2, but I'm getting a lot of responses here, and some of them are really inappropriate. I've looked around and that seems to be how other bloggers keep it civil. It's necessary here, too.

For the rest of you, the ones that didn't need rules to tell you how to behave -- thank you for being polite, and thank you for all your comments. I'm going to try to keep a better handle on it here, so if you see anything that breaks the rules, or anything...disturbing, just ignore it. I'll take care of it. 

Actually, I don't know if I really need to say that, you're probably more used to this than I am.

 

I got a question about how I like living in modern times, and how it's different from the 1940s. Maybe some of you reading this have some ideas about this -- I've read articles about the march of technology, so maybe you have too. It's all true. I've got a phone now that I keep in my pocket... Phones used to have a base and a handset and a cord, and there was a dial that processed numbers by doing something that involved a lot of clicking. And not everyone had a phone. So technology here was something that took some getting used to. Culture has changed a lot as well. Clothes. Music. You name it, it's changed.

But the biggest difference is the people, and I don't mean that generally, I mean it very specifically. When I think about my life in the 1940s, I think about a specific set of people, and when I think about my life now, I think about specific people too. I've been very lucky in the people I have around me, both times.

Back in the 40s, the only reason I could do most of the stuff I did was because I had the best unit in the army with me: The Howling Commandos.

Bucky Barnes  
Dum Dum Dugan  
Jim Morita  
James Montgomery Falsworth  
Gabriel Jones  
Jacques Dernier  
Steve Rogers

These men are the reason you knew who Captain America was, before you found me. Without the Howling Commandos, I'd be willing to bet you'd never have recognized me up there in the ice. Just some guy who died in the war... If I accomplished anything back then, it was because of these men.

Let me tell you a little about what it means to command a unit like this. There was one time when we were on the march, loaded down with gear for an assault, and we got ambushed. Enemy machine guns in front, machine guns to the side. If any one of my squad had done anything but what they did, we'd have all been done for, because they were trying to separate us, and then they could have taken us one at a time. But the guys in back made it up to join the guys in front, and covered them while they took out the gunners in front. The gunners on the side just ran away.

Minute and a half, tops. Not a second wasted. And I didn't have to tell any of them what to do. We'd been together long enough, everyone just _knew_ what to do, and got it done.

Yeah, that's the kind of guys they were.

 

Date: September 8  
Title:   
Status: Private message to user red-hourglass

Is there any way to find out who wrote a specific comment? Yeah, I'm talking about some of the disturbing ones.

 

Date: September 8  
Title:   
Status: Private message to user red-hourglass

Oh, and here I thought when you showed up, that was you volunteering to be my technical guru. My mistake.

I'm not worried about it. I'm just...disturbed.


	4. Chapter 4

Date: September 12  
Title: 4.   
Status: Public

It's been a while since I did anything like this, but as a favor to my neighbor, I visited a school yesterday. I told the kids a few stories about WWII and the Battle of New York (I told them it was too soon to talk about more recent events, and for the most part, they honored that). It was a good experience, and I'm glad I had the chance to do it. Kids these days are mighty impressive.

(I found out after the talk, when they were showing me things, they're far better at using their phones and computers than I knew was possible, too. I know, big surprise, but I was impressed with everything they could do. The future from here is going to be...I can't even imagine.)

Anyway, one of them asked me an interesting question. She wanted to know if I thought the Chitauri were intelligent. Having fought them, I had to say that I had no doubt that they were. We talked a bit about why they might have wanted to destroy New York, what they might think about us, and the importance of good leaders. And not following bad leaders.

And then we talked a little about standing up to bullies, and not being bullies either. I think Ms. Ramirez, their teacher, was a little nervous about straying off topic like that, but I think it's important for kids to think about that.

And I brought it back on topic, too, talking about why we have to fight bullies, and the Chitauri, and why we had to fight WWII.

When I was about to go, Kenya, the girl who asked about the Chitauri being intelligent, gave me a drawing she'd made of the Battle of New York. I should have asked for permission to post it here so you could see what a great artist she is, but I didn't, so you'll just have to take my word for it.

Like I said, kids these days are mighty impressive.

 

A lot of you have asked where you can find my twitter, or my tumblr, or my this or my that. The answer is that this blog is all I've got. No facebook either.

Blogging works for me. Not just because I'm learning a lot in the comments -- I don't even have to ask questions to start things off, I can just figure out what I'm missing from the gaps in what I understand. And then Google. But also -- it's a little like sending a letter. I guess I do better with technology when it's based on something I already like.

Thanks again for reading and replying.

Sincerely,  
Steve Rogers


	5. Chapter 5

Date: September 13  
Title: 5.   
Status: Public

I just discovered what a blog really is.

Web log. Blog.

I thought it was just an arbitrary new word, like muggle. Or meme. Not the first time I've been wrong, and it won't be the last, but this is me shaking my head and wondering how language can do that. 

But I do remember...

Okay, this is going to take some context.

It was the autumn of 1944. We (the Howlers) had been on the move all month, trying to pin down a Hydra smuggling operation. I'll tell you about it some other time, it was the one with the sparrowhawk and the tiny tanks. Remind me.

Anyway, we were all almost out of our minds with exhaustion, and one day we came across a cache of canned goods. Fruit, potted meat, all sorts of things we hadn't seen in months. That wasn't what they were smuggling, it was just some smugglers' perks. Our perks, after we found it. 

That night we had a real feast. We sat around a crate with a piece of cloth over it, and Dugan provided a bit of candle he'd been carrying around for some reason, and it was just like a fancy restaurant. Food was good, at least. 

Towards the end, Falsworth said, polite as he always was, "Pass the pineapple, please," and Morita, without missing a beat, pulled a grenade off his belt and slapped it into Falsworth's hand.

I'm laughing just thinking about it, but you might have had to be there. 

I guess I should mention we used to call grenades pineapples, but maybe you'd figured that out.

Because my point was: pineapple, blog, spam? That's language for you. Hasn't changed a bit, really.


	6. Chapter 6

Date: September 15  
Title: 6.   
Status: Public

Yes, I've read Tony Stark's analysis of the Project Insight algorithm. It seems to be pretty popular, but if you haven't seen it, there's a good summary for the non-technical (like me) and a link to the full analysis here:

www.wired.com/2014/09/tony-stark-explains-project-insight/

I had to skim the technical details, but in my experience, Starks always know what they're talking about when it comes to technology. So if Tony Stark says that the future is a chaotic system and about ten times less predictable than the weather, and Hydra was going to kill hundreds of thousands of people based on a system of bets, then I believe him.

It sounds like Hydra to me. They've never cared about people.

I've seen some people saying that because Stark technology being used on the Project Insight helicarriers, his analysis is a conflict of interest. 

I guess I don't have a lot of room to talk: I used to work for SHIELD. But I don't think there's a real conflict there. Tony Stark wasn't part of SHIELD. He might have let them use some of his technology, but everyone makes errors of judgment, and believing in SHIELD was an easy error for a lot people to make. And we're -still- discovering exactly how much of what SHIELD did was influenced by Hydra -- that's not an easy bit of post-battle analysis either. 

But about the Stark analysis itself -- I guess I've gotten used to just accepting that anything's possible here in the future. I believed in Hydra's ability to do what they said, and find the people who'd oppose them before they ever did a thing, using the magic of technology.

Turns out I was wrong to believe anything they said. I should have known. 

A series of bets -- we've always had that. I was on Hydra's list, and I don't think anyone would dispute that was a pretty good bet on their part. I'm always going to be opposed to Hydra. They didn't need some fancy algorithm to figure that out. 

But I've also always believed in freedom, and just as importantly, I believe in human potential. Everyone has the potential to surprise you -- and I think that's a good thing. I also think that mean anyone could be dangerous to Hydra's idea of world order, given the right provocation. You can have as good a betting strategy as you want, but you can't account for everything. I'm glad the future is still unwritten, it means that everything we do matters.

But I always knew that. Everything Stark says, I always believed that deep down. It's nice to have it confirmed, though.

 

 _Entry edited (09/15/14, 22:13):_ READ THIS. I've tried talking to the people involved, but new people keep adding to the argument faster than I can head them off.

I understand that a lot of people have very strong feelings about SHIELD and Hydra. They've betrayed us all, they've made us feel unsafe, they've tried to kill us in our homes. And I know that for some of the people who comment here, SHIELD is not the enemy, even if Hydra is. I understand why you want to defend SHIELD. I understand why you want to attack SHIELD.

But that is no excuse for being rude, or insulting -- and absolutely no excuse for being threatening. You need to stop, now.

I am deleting everything inappropriate, like I said I would. Please don't respond in kind before I get there. I don't need more work trying to keep this civil.

And anyone who's just arriving -- think before you jump in here.

 _Entry edited (09/16/14, 00:08):_ I take it back. I don't understand. This is completely out of hand and I'll delete this whole entry if I have to. I won't allow these things to be said on my blog.

 _Entry edited (09/16/14, 00:32):_ I found the button to turn off comments (thanks, jxv) and I'm pressing it now. I'll have something more to say tomorrow. I'm disappointed that I had to do this.


	7. Chapter 7

Date: September 16  
Title: 7.   
Status: Public

This is what I have to say about SHIELD:

SHIELD was established by people I knew and respected, with goals that I agree with. I worked for SHIELD, so I -know- that there were a lot of good people working there. I depended on them. Most of them had no idea that Hydra had infiltrated SHIELD.

But however many good intentions went into SHIELD, we all know that SHIELD was harboring Hydra. I believe that affected SHIELD on every level. Hydra's methods, Hydra's way of thinking -- it was all through SHIELD, even with the men and women who would never have been part of Hydra had they known. 

I was the one who said that SHIELD and Hydra both needed to come down. There was no way of disentangling SHIELD and Hydra, except one. When I needed help to stop Hydra, I called on SHIELD to help me, and SHIELD responded.

Hydra is the enemy. SHIELD...

Everyone in SHIELD (including me) needs to take a very close look at what we did and why. At who we trusted, and why. Because SHIELD and Hydra, working together, came very close to committing a terrible atrocity.

I have a few things to say in response to some of the comments from yesterday:

Anyone who thinks every SHIELD agent should be punished just for being a part of SHIELD, no matter what they actually did as part of SHIELD -- I don't have the words to say how much I disagree with you. You're not welcome on my blog.

Anyone who thinks I should be punished for betraying SHIELD -- I've agreed to a meeting in Washington in a couple of weeks. I don't know exactly what it's about, but you may get your wish.

I still think what I ordered and what I did -- all of it, including all the leaked files -- was justified. But the truth is, it's not my call any more. It's not my job to figure out what happens now. 

And you know what? I don't know how to satisfy everyone. So right now I'm glad it's not my job. 

I'd like to be able to make peace on my blog, though.

 

That's all I have to say about SHIELD. I'm leaving comments off for now. If you have anything to say to me, my email is captainstevenrogers@bigblogityblogsite.com.


	8. Chapter 8

Date: September 20  
Title: 8.   
Status: Public

Thank you for all your email letters. I haven't been able to write back to everyone who wrote, but I'm grateful for your support.

I'm sorry it's been so long, I meant to get back to this more quickly, but other things came up. It's been a difficult few days here, for reasons that don't have much to do with blogging.

A very polite commenter informed me that I was wrong about the word meme. It's not a word that was made up out of nowhere, but rather has a history that they explain in their comment. I accidentally deleted the original comment, and I'm sorry for that, but it's been reposted so that everyone can see.

 

I promised to tell you the story of the smugglers, the sparrowhawk, and the tiny tanks. 

It all started with an old toymaker in a small town in Austria. We met him later, and Jones talked to him, so we know that he didn't want to work for Hydra, but when they came to him and demanded that he use his skill working with small things to work on their machinery, he couldn't refuse.

He didn't make the tiny tanks for Hydra, though, he made them for himself, I'm not sure why. They weren't toys, not the kind kids play with at least. I guess they were models. Later on, he said it was art, and I wouldn't argue with that. They were perfect replicas of the tanks he must have seen every day at the Hydra base.

So that's where it started, but the first we knew about it was when we started seeing the same sparrowhawk circling overhead. We were transporting homing pigeons for local resistance agents at the time, and we had a few arguments about what kind of bird it was and whether it was likely to eat pigeons. It seemed to be following us.

A couple days later, we were sure it was following us, but we'd been dodging German tanks all that time, so we didn't want to shoot at it and expose our position. 

It wasn't until we were on the way back that Bucky got shot at the bird right next to camp, and Dernier went rushing off to get the body. We were all curious by then. Turned out the thing had metal implants on the back of its head and carried a camera in its claws. It was the smallest camera we'd ever seen, about the size of a mouse.

The next day, we were doing our usual detour around another set of tanks when Morita noticed that they looked distorted. Sort of like they were made out of taffy and someone had been pulling on them.

After that, all we had to do was sneak in and take out the guys running the lens field, trample past the tiny tanks (Morita smashed most of them, said nothing should be that perfect). We found a Hydra convoy that was completely undefended, trying to get a whole load of their energy weapons past us to one of their more beleaguered bases.

We found the toymaker in the back of one of their trucks, painting another tank as if he wasn't in the middle of a firefight. Or just didn't care. Jones got him out just in time, right before Hydra blew up their own trucks to keep those weapons out of our hands.

It turned out the sparrowhawk was part of their system, they needed it to keep track of where we were so their lens field could present us with a perfect illusion. We were all pretty impressed with that. We took the lens field with us, Morita wouldn't let us leave it. It came in handy a couple of times later on.

Morita also took a real shine to the toymaker. Next couple of days, the two of them were inseparable, and Morita also insisted on being the one to escort him back to his village, while the rest of us pressed on.

The thing I still can't figure out is how they could have enough resources to develop that lens field -- it was some kind of clever variation on their usual weapons, but controlling the energy so it just...made a giant complicated lens, somehow -- but not enough resources to just get some real tanks.

I guess that's Hydra for you.

 

I'm turning comments back on for this entry. Let's try this again. 

Please be polite and respectful.


	9. Chapter 9

Date: September 21  
Title: 9.  
Status: Draft

I have a question to answer today from a kid in Brooklyn, who wants to know what my favorite building was when I used to live there, and if I have a favorite building now.

Back when I was an art student,

 

Date: September 21  
Title: 9.  
Status: Draft

I've turned off comments again.

It's probably temporary, but there were multiple inappropriate comments in the last entry. I don't know if that's someone's idea of a joke, but it's not very funny. Hydra is nothing to joke about.

And if it's not a joke --

Well, I've been marked for death by Hydra before, and it didn't stick. If the best they can do is leave comments on my blog, that I can just delete

 

Date: September 21  
Title: NOTICE  
Status: Public

Steven Grant Rogers, you have been marked for death by Hydra.

 

Date: September 21  
Title: NOTICE  
Status: Public

Steven Grant Rogers, you have been marked for death by Hydra. We know where you are. 

 

Date: September 21  
Title: NOTICE  
Status: Public

Steven Grant Rogers, you have been marked for death by Hydra. 

 

Date: September 21  
Title: NOTICE  
Status: Public

Steven Grant Rogers, you have been marked for death by Hydra. You will die within one month.

 

Date: September 21  
Title: NOTICE  
Status: Public

Steven Grant Rogers, you have been marked for death by Hydra. We know where you are. You will die within one month.

Hydra cannot be stopped.

 

captainstevenrogers.bigblogityblogsite.com

404 - NOT FOUND

 

Steve's Blog  
captainamerica.com/blog

Subject: 9.  
Date: 09/23/14  
Posted by: Steve Rogers (Captain America)  
Status: Public

Sorry about the past couple of days.

I did not delete my blog. My blog was hacked and then attacked by something called a bot net that kept posting comments and entries until the people who run the blog site had to shut it down.

Apparently some remnant of Hydra skulking around out there still has something to prove.

 

There's no need to be concerned. It's all under control, I'm safe, and that's not about to change. 

And I'm not going to stop blogging, but the blog has moved. Actually I hope you can see this, it's supposed to show up at the new address and the old address at the same time. Mystifying, but convenient.

My email address has changed as well, it's now steve@captainamerica.com.

 

Are you wondering how I managed to set all this up? Easy. I didn't. The domain (captainamerica.com) was a gift from Tony Stark. He told me that the people who make the comic books wanted to keep it, but I guess Tony Stark can be pretty persuasive. At least, that's what he tells me. I'm only partially persuaded.

So thanks to Tony Stark for the domain, and for solving all my technical problems in one five minute phone call. 

The blog design is his fault.

 

Subject: Stark  
Date: 09/23/14  
From: Steve Rogers (Captain America)  
Status: Private to Tony Stark (The One and Only Tony Stark)

I really am grateful. I don't think the other blog place wanted me back, and I don't think I could have gone back there anyway. Not if my blog was going to fill up with Hydra every time I tried to use it. But it didn't feel right, letting it get deleted, especially when there were people I'd been talking to who'd wonder where my blog went and why I wasn't there any more. I don't want anyone out there to worry about me because I disappeared from cyberspace unexpectedly. Especially if they saw that stuff from Hydra. 

Or think I'd given up on interacting with all the world, after that other mess. Blogging is more complicated than I expected.

Also, I know it was a joke, but I like the stars all over the background. On the other hand, I think you overdid it on movies of me doing that Star-Spangled Man number back when I was selling bonds. How'd you get all that, anyway?

And is there any way to have my name listed as just Steve Rogers?

 

Subject: Stark  
Date: 09/24/14  
From: Steve Rogers (Captain America)  
Status: Private to Tony Stark (The One and Only Tony Stark)

Very funny.

But yeah, it's easier to use than the other blog place.

 

Subject: Jarvis  
Date: 09/24/14  
From: Steve Rogers (Captain America)  
Status: Private to Jarvis (Ask and You Shall Receive)

Hello? Tony said I should talk to you.


	10. Chapter 10

Subject: 10.  
Date: 09/24/14  
Posted by: Steve Rogers  
Status: Public

I have a question from a kid in Brooklyn, who asks what my favorite building was when I used to live there, and wants to know if I have a favorite building now.

Back when I was an art student, there was a brand new apartment building on a corner I walked by every day, and there was just something about the proportions, and the fancy brickwork, and the attention to detail -- every day when I walked past, I looked in at the stained glass in the lobby and the peacock motifs on the elevator. That was my favorite building. It looked like a really grand place to live.

Now -- I haven't been back to Brooklyn enough to have a new favorite building. Any architecture opinions out there reading this? I'll take suggestions on what I should be looking at if I do go back to take a look.

 

Subject: Jarvis  
Date: 09/24/14  
From: Steve Rogers (Captain America)  
Status: Private to Jarvis (Ask and You Shall Receive)

I thought about the options. I don't think you should delete anything that's not obviously Hydra. You can mark the ones you don't like, give me all the information you have about stuff going on in the background, and I'll take a look and make the decisions whenever I have time.

My blog, my responsibility.

 

Subject: Jarvis  
Date: 09/25/14  
From: Steve Rogers (Captain America)  
Status: Private to Jarvis (Ask and You Shall Receive)

I've been thinking about what you said about you and Stark. I think I get it. You've learned to anticipate what he wants, but you're his creation, not his alter-ego. You don't think exactly like him, even though he made you, and you don't do what he'd do.

Do I have that right?

I guess I already knew that, because Stark's generous, but he's not that helpful except sideways.

But for you to be able to predict exactly what -I'd- want, exactly what I think is too rude to let stand... That's where I get hung up. You're not my creation. How can you encompass that much? 

Because Stark and I don't always agree on much, especially when it comes to what's polite or not.

 

Subject: Jarvis  
Date: 09/25/14  
From: Steve Rogers (Captain America)  
Status: Private to Jarvis (Ask and You Shall Receive)

You're right about that. Deleting is not very much fun for me.

Does that mean you don't have fun?

I've got the time though. My friend -- have you been talking to Natasha? -- my friend and I aren't spending -every- moment together. I'm not even sure we're exactly friends again yet, at least from his side. I think we're going to be, I'm doing everything I can, but he's still ... skittish. 

I guess part of the problem is that we're not exactly the same people we used to be. He's not, but I'm not either. I hadn't realized how much I'd changed, being here, until he started remembering more and more... And he's got stuff to work through that I can't do anything about. 

So I've got enough time to run a blog on my own.

But if you can hide the bad ones, the ones other people shouldn't see, and if you can do it -that- quickly, please do it. Nip all those problems in the bud, like I would if I were that fast. I'm used to being the fast one, but you've got me beat. 

I'll check through them just to make sure when I have time. 

Thanks, Jarvis.


	11. Chapter 11

Subject: 11.  
Date: 09/26/14  
Posted by: Steve Rogers  
Status: Public

I'm learning a lot from this blog. 

For example, did you know that ants are capable of cooperating in ways that resemble the behavior we saw from the Chitauri? I can tell you exactly how they're the same and how they're different, thanks to Dr. Alison Liu. She showed up in the comments with some questions about what I'd experienced fighting them that I was able to answer. She was gracious enough to answer a few questions I had too.

She thinks they aren't intelligent, though. That they were just acting on instinct, and that maybe there was some kind of intelligent super-Chitauri on their ships, but the individuals we saw in New York City aren't individual in the same way we are. It's interesting stuff, and I'm still mulling it over. I'm not sure I believe it, though. I still say the ones I was fighting seemed intelligent, but all I've got to go on is a gut feeling.

 

I feel like I ought to say something about the fight yesterday. It was on the news, and I've been told you can also find clips on youtube, but I haven't looked myself. It was an ugly fight -- blood everywhere and most of it mine -- I don't feel like I need to relive it. If any of you are tempted to go looking, keep that in mind.

I'm fine though; I heal quick.

Since the attackers got away, they don't know if it was Hydra.

 

Subject: Barton  
Date: 09/27/14  
From: Steve Rogers (Captain America)  
Status: Private to Clint Barton (Our Very Own Robin Hood)

You're the last person I'd ever expect to come across while blogging.

Thanks for the information. I didn't know. No one's doing much talking to me, not even the FBI. They ask me questions, they go away again. The way they look sometimes, I think it's official policy, the kind that comes down from on high. Don't talk to Steve Rogers about the investigation. So I've been trying to stay out of their way and let them do their jobs.

But if other people besides me are getting threats from Hydra... And if the targets really are getting picked because they share certain matching criteria according to Hydra's Project Insight algorithm... How certain is that? Any other explanation? That does explain some of the looks. They probably want to keep it quiet so that no one panics, and I'm not known for keeping things quiet.

Don't worry, I don't tell the world about things told to me in confidence, by friends.

I also noticed how you didn't mention how you found out. I'm not asking.

 

Subject: Barton  
Date: 09/27/14  
From: Steve Rogers (Captain America)  
Status: Private to Clint Barton (Our Very Own Robin Hood)

I'm pretty sure at least three of the regular commenters are Natasha. I haven't asked. I'm sure she has her reasons.

I tried. Limited win -- my name is just Steve Rogers when it's public. I think of it as the cost of using Stark technology: Stark humor. It's worth it, because if this blog is ever hacked, it'll be Stark's fault. But basically, it's not going to happen. We wouldn't be having this conversation here if this was just an ordinary blog site, would we?

Actually, you're not the only former SHIELD agent I've been talking to lately. I meet all kinds of people in the comments on my blog. Some cagier than others.

 

Subject: Barton  
Date: 09/27/14  
From: Steve Rogers (Captain America)  
Status: Private to Clint Barton (Our Very Own Robin Hood)

That many?


	12. Chapter 12

Subject: 12.  
Date: 09/30/14  
Posted by: Steve Rogers  
Status: Public

I'm still getting a lot of questions and comments about the fight last week. All I can say is that I must have scared them off. Things are back to normal, there's no sign of anyone hanging around waiting for another opportunity... And like I said -- I heal fast. I can't even tell I was in a fight last week.

 

I'd like to share another story about the first people who ever looked at me and said yeah, I'll follow this guy.

The Howling Commandos were going after a courier who we thought was carrying top secret orders to one of the Hydra bases. Stark (that's Howard Stark, who you probably know as the founder of Stark Industries) had given us a typewriter with gears that was supposed to let us figure out the code the orders were in and then encode a set of replacement orders that'd keep Hydra busy inside while we took down their outer defenses and left them for the regular army to clean up.

But if the courier figured out we were there, that was the end of it.

It was clearly a job for James Montgomery Falsworth. Dernier would have gone along with Falsworth because he was the best at stealing things, but we needed him for the avalanche -- it had to be precise -- so it was Jones who went along. You'd be amazed at how many things Jones was the second best at.

That doesn't sound as good as I meant it. That man could do -anything- competently. Jones was always a good choice, no matter what you wanted done.

After we forced the jeep onto the alternate route, Falsworth went into action. He had a jeep, and pretty soon he had a dozen German jeeps chasing him, and then he drove the jeep off a cliff and parachuted out just as the courier showed up and got caught in the traffic jam. 

Have you ever seen a traffic jam at the top of a mountain pass? No room to turn, no room to do anything. Jones had plenty of time to sneak in and get the packet, and plenty of time to replace it too, no one the wiser.

It was just supposed to be Dugan and me cleaning up the avalanche (we couldn't leave it beacuse our guys were coming through that way soon), but in the end everyone pitched in, grumbling as always. We were all exhausted that night, when Falsworth came back grubby and smiling and full of energy. Said he'd never had more fun, chaps, why don't we do this every day? We threw apples at him until he shut up. Dugan threw a sack of apples, I think that did it.

As one of the generals in the Civil War said, war is hell, and I'm glad it ended pretty soon after I left the scene, but it's still hard for me to believe they're not out there somewhere, making some war a little bit more bearable. Men were dying, and we never forgot it, but we did okay too.

I miss them. I guess I always will.

Thanks for listening.


	13. Chapter 13

Subject: 13.  
Date: 10/02/14  
Posted by: Steve Rogers  
Status: Public

I received this letter by email, and I'm happy to be able to share it, and the website it links, with you:

You don't know me, Captain Rogers, and for my part, despite more family stories than I'd ever be able to explain, I don't _genuinely_ know you either. I just feel like I know everything about you, but that's hardly your fault. 

Please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Isabelle Falsworth Smythe, and James Montgomery Falsworth of the Howling Commandos was my grandfather.

I've been reading your blog ever since a friend of mine pointed it out to me, but honestly, it never occurred to me to email you until I read your most recent entry, the one that tells a story about my grandfather that I'd never heard before. I can't thank you enough for sharing it. I was always very close to my grandfather, and it means a lot.

It also made me realize that I have a few things lying about that you might appreciate. For many years, my grandfather maintained an annual Howling Commandos newsletter. My grandfather was a busy man, and he had secretaries to handle most of his correspondence, but this one thing he always did himself.

I am attaching the scans of the newsletters. I know my grandfather would have wanted to keep you in the loop, even if it's...no, it's never too late, is it? I think you'll appreciate some of the letters and pictures, and maybe you'll get all of the jokes. I never did, but I always loved it when my grandfather explained the Howling Commandos in-jokes. There was always a story, and he was always so proud.

After my grandfather's death, my family hosted a memorial for him on a memorial website -- it was supposed to be a place where friends and family could leave memories, and it was supposed to last forever. Needless to say, it didn't last forever, but before the website disappeared, my father downloaded a copy of everything that was there.

You've inspired me to buy a domain and put that memorial back up, because honestly, grandfather deserved it. I always meant to do this, it just never happened until now. You can find it at http://falsworthinmemoriam.org.

You should also know that my grandfather and his friends always toasted you on Victory Day. They weren't always able to get together, but my grandfather never missed a year. In my mind, every time 8 May rolls around again, I can still hear him saying "To the Captain."

 

The memorial is worth reading. Everything written there is true, even the lies Morita wrote. (Funny how I could still tell when Morita was lying, after all those years.) They're absolutely true lies. 

I guess nothing is forever, but I can confirm: he deserved to be remembered. I'm so glad this exists, and that Isabelle has put it back online so that the world can see it again.

 

Subject: Sam  
Date: 10/02/14  
From: Steve Rogers (Captain America)  
Status: Private to Sam Wilson

About time you showed up here. Just in time for one of the best parachute stories I've got, one entry back. 

You know what? If he was here, I'd be willing to bet real money that Falsworth would be able to worm his way into getting a pair of wings like yours. And then he'd fly them twice as crazy as you ever did on your very craziest day.

You're right. No one else asked me that.

How are you? Still on for hanging out while I'm down in DC next week?

 

Subject: Sam  
Date: 10/02/14  
From: Steve Rogers (Captain America)  
Status: Private to Sam Wilson

I agree we're shaped by our separate wars to some degree, but maybe you're just the responsible type, Sam. What can I say? 

You tell me. I've tried putting the past behind me, maybe it's time to remember more. She's going to be over here for business sometime soon, she said, and wants to meet and talk Howling Commando stories. I'm going to do that too.

No, Bucky's not coming to DC, he's going to stay here and watch a lot of tv. It's going to be full of the worst kind of politics, and I don't think Bucky's ready for being around that. Probably not ready to be there while I complain about politics in the evening either. I guess there's your warning, too. I hate politics.

 

Subject: Sam  
Date: 10/03/14  
From: Steve Rogers (Captain America)  
Status: Private to Sam Wilson

It also makes me realize --

Well.

I thought the Captain America legend was just ... stories. Because people need heroes, or because it made money for whoever was telling the story. I didn't mind that.

No more real than any other piece of advertising.

But now I realize some of it was real people remembering. Part of the reason I had any sort of place waiting for me, part of the reason people here knew who I was...is them.


	14. Chapter 14

Subject: 14.  
Date: 10/06/14  
Posted by: Steve Rogers  
Status: Public

No one asked me what my favorite monument in Washington DC is, but since that's what I was thinking about on my morning run, I thought I'd share.

In terms of architecture, I like the Washington monument. Design simplicity, impressive for the resources they had at the time... Overall, exceptional design and execution. And no one can deny that George Washington was a great man.

But in terms of the monument that I actually like to visit, it's the Franklin Delano Roosevelt Memorial every time. It just makes me feel at happy, seeing those things that he said, written in stone now. I remember hearing him say a lot of those things on the radio. I was just shy of being an adult when he was elected, and I think they had an effect on me, just like they had an effect on the whole nation.

"Franklin's illness...gave him strength and courage he had not had before. He had to think out the fundamentals of living and learn the greatest of all lessons - infinite patience and never ending persistence."  
Eleanor Roosevelt

"In these days of difficulty, we Americans everywhere must and shall choose the path of social justice...the path of faith, the path of hope, and the path of love toward our fellow man."  
Franklin Delano Roosevelt

 

Subject: Bucky  
Date: 10/06/14  
From: Steve Rogers  
Status: Private to Anon1046

I was going to call you.

Are you okay?

Just... hold on a minute, I'm going to call.

 

Subject: Bucky  
Date: 10/06/14  
From: Steve Rogers  
Status: Private to Anon1046

That's fine, we can talk here instead. I didn't know you even read this blog.

I thought you might be upset. That's why I wanted to call.

 

Subject: Bucky  
Date: 10/06/14  
From: Steve Rogers  
Status: Private to Anon1046

Because you've never written anything on my blog before. Because you just wrote the same memory down five or six times in the entry about Falsworth, in different words. Because

sometimes a really big chunk of memory all at once is hard for you. I can tell.

Is that what happened?

 

Subject: Bucky  
Date: 10/06/14  
From: Steve Rogers  
Status: Private to Anon1046

I'm sorry I'm not there, Buck.

If I was there, I'd heat up some milk like your mom used to do when we were kids and one of you had a bad dream. Do you remember that? You told me about it. You told me that you liked it so much sometimes you faked having a bad dream. 

Would that help? I can call Ms. Ramirez and ask her to do that for you. She'd do it if I asked.

 

Subject: Bucky  
Date: 10/06/14  
From: Steve Rogers  
Status: Private to Anon1046

What are you doing? Are you watching tv?

If you tell me what you're watching, we could watch together. The same things are on here too.

 

Subject: Bucky  
Date: 10/06/14  
From: Steve Rogers  
Status: Private to Anon1046

Bucky?


	15. Chapter 15

Subject: Check in when you can  
Date: 10/08/14  
From: Steve Rogers (Captain America)  
Status: Private to Sam Wilson

I hope you think of this; it's the only secure place I can think of.

Don't call me, I dropped my phone in a sewer. They can track phones, can't they? I didn't want to risk it.

Check in when you can.

 

Subject: My situation  
Date: 10/08/14  
From: Steve Rogers (Captain America)  
Status: Private to Sam Wilson

After we split up, I stayed hidden in the gap under the porch. They got there about five minutes later, and searched the house but didn't find me. They saw the gap, and poked at the edges of the gap enough that they knew it was all concrete, no way to dig or move anything, so I guess they thought I couldn't fit there. I'm still...shocked that I did. I shouldn't be. It's still hard to think.

They picked up your trail pretty quick, and took off after you. I was still in enough pain I wouldn't have been able to evade them if they'd left someone behind, so I stayed until the owner of the house came back and called the police. Then I had to go. I don't think anyone saw me.

I bought a new phone and some new clothes with cash. I'm at a restaurant.

I haven't figured out where I'm going from here. I'll let you know.

 

Subject: Jarvis?  
Date: 10/08/14  
From: Steve Rogers (Captain America)  
Status: Private to Jarvis (Ask and You Shall Receive)

This is urgent: can anyone track me or my phone because I connected to this?

 

Subject: Jarvis?  
Date: 10/08/14  
From: Steve Rogers (Captain America)  
Status: Private to Jarvis (Ask and You Shall Receive)

Thanks, good to know.

 

Subject: Safe now  
Date: 10/08/14  
From: Steve Rogers (Captain America)  
Status: Private to Sam Wilson

Check in if you can. It's impossible to track anything you do here.

 

Subject: Natasha?  
Date: 10/08/14  
From: Steve Rogers (Captain America)  
Status: Private to Natasha Romanov (Beware of Latrotoxin and Sneaky Behavior)

I need a favor. It's about Bucky.

 

Subject: Stark  
Date: 10/09/14  
From: Steve Rogers (Captain America)  
Status: Private to Tony Stark (Ask Me About Green Energy, I Know You're Fascinated)

Yeah, actually I could use some help. I was attacked by a group of people who looked like FBI. I thought I recognized one of them as someone who's talked to me before about the Hydra investigation.

You're good at finding things out. Can you find out if the FBI has been infiltrated by Hydra?

 

Subject: Sam  
Date: 10/09/14  
From: Steve Rogers (Captain America)  
Status: Private to Sam Wilson

Okay. Glad to hear that. Where are you now?

I got some sleep, I feel like I can think again.

I don't know where to start. Thanks for getting me away from there before I got myself killed. You made the right call. I just couldn't see it at the time because I was too deep in what was going on to see the big picture. I wanted to get one of them alive, and I wanted to ask them what they'd done to me. Get a lead on -how-. And I wanted to do it while I still could.

Whatever they did--

If you hadn't pulled me out of there before I was totally incapacitated, and if you hadn't led them away from me, they'd have got me. I owe you.

I'm about the size I was before the serum now. I can't lift the bed in this room. I've still got the appetite, though, so I don't know what's going on. I'm going to find out, but I guess I can see that it's going to take some planning before I'm ready to track down any answers. I'm -not- going to sit this one out, but I'll try not to throw myself at problems quite so hard.

I used to get beat up a lot, the first time I was this size, but the rules have changed. My enemies are bigger than they used to be. I'll remember that.

Do you think you're going to be able to rejoin me soon? I've got something I need to ask you, too. ...Well, no use waiting. It's Bucky. I asked Natasha to look in on him, but...

if this change doesn't go away quickly, 

or at all--

Do you think I should tell him? I don't know how he'd take it.

What's the best way to tell my damaged and struggling best friend who almost killed me while under the control of Hydra that Hydra has got to me and now I've got no way to fight back? Especially if I really don't want him to take up my fight? I don't think that would be good for him, and he's been improving. I don't want to cause a setback.

I don't want...

I don't want any of this. I've got more important things to do.

Yeah.

Be safe, Sam.


	16. Chapter 16

Subject: Dr. Banner  
Date: 10/09/14  
From: Steve Rogers (Captain America, Miniature Version)  
Status: Private to Dr. Bruce Banner (What's Big and Green and Good at Science?)

Hi, Dr. Banner. I guess Stark told you?

If you think you can help, I'd appreciate all the help I can get right now.

The first thing that happened was I saw a flash of light. Sam -- that's Sam Wilson, a good friend of mine -- Sam and I were walking back from dinner, and the sun was setting, so I thought I was catching a reflection from one of the buildings, but it got brighter and brighter. I said something about it being bright, and Sam said he didn't see anything bright.

That's when they attacked.

They surrounded us pretty quickly -- I couldn't see much but I could hear them. There were five of them, and I remember thinking that they should have sent twice as many, but as soon as the fight started --

I don't know how to explain. I didn't feel any different, except that I still couldn't see that well because of the glare. I didn't feel awkward or slow or weak, but they kept getting hits that they shouldn't have gotten, and I felt each hit more than I usually do. 

This part of the fight probably lasted a few minutes, and then Sam broke out and ran so I held them off for a while and then ran after Sam. I could still run fast enough that they couldn't keep up with me, and I caught up with Sam pretty quick.

By this time, I could see again, so I told Sam to go one direction and I'd wait and take them out and then we could figure out what to do about them. Sam acted like he was going to, but he circled back, which turned out to be a good thing.

Up till now, there hadn't been any pain, but this is when it started to hurt all over. Every single muscle. Bone deep. It's funny, I know I used to have better ways of describing different kinds of pain, but I guess I got out of the habit. I didn't really notice exactly what kind of pain it was, I was just annoyed because it shouldn't be happening. My body usually just does whatever I want. Even when I get hurt -- I guess I can feel how it's going to heal? It never feel permanent.

This is when my body started to feel -wrong-. I'd say this was ten minutes since I first noticed the light that Sam couldn't see. That's got to be when it started, right?

From there, it just kept getting worse. I had the first seizure in the middle of the fight. I've never had a seizure before, not even before the serum, when I had plenty of other problems. Nothing triggered it that I can remember, it was just suddenly it was like I was just watching myself fall over from the outside. Pretty soon they'd formed a circle and were kicking me and all I could do was watch myself twitch and take it. And it still felt like I wasn't in there -- I'd say I didn't want to be inside my body just then, but that never happened any other time I've gotten beat up.

I don't know how long it lasted, half a minute maybe? A minute? Just after Sam roared up in a van he must have stolen or borrowed or something, everything went back to normal suddenly and I could fight my way out and into the van and then we drove...

You'll have to ask Sam for the details here. I know I timed a few of the seizures, and none of the ones I timed lasted longer than a minute. And after every one, I was smaller.

That must have been pretty bad for Sam, driving around with me flailing around in the back of the van. 

Anyway, that's basically all that happened. Sam found a place I could hide and led them away, and eventually the seizures stopped. I can't tell you how long -- hours. I seem to be stuck at about the size I was before the serum, and have been since last night. I'm sore but there's no current pain besides that. It's just the ordinary kind of sore when you've done too much, but it's all over. Every time I move I feel it.

I'm not healing like I used to, but I'm trying to move around enough to keep loose, and I'm still eating a lot, because I'm still feeling just as hungry as always.

I know it's a lot to ask, but does any of that give you any idea what could be going on? I'll take guesses. Especially if you have any guesses about whether this is going to be permanent. 

 

Subject: Stark  
Date: 10/09/14  
From: Steve Rogers (Captain America, Miniature Version)  
Status: Private to Tony Stark (I am Iron Man)

You're sure? None of the other people who'd been threatened were attacked? That's a big relief.

At least if they're coming after me, maybe they'll leave the others alone.

 

Dr. Banner suggested that you might want to fly down and collect some blood for Dr. Banner to analyze. I'm not going to say no.

He seems really interested in how to reverse the serum.

 

Subject: Okay, but how's Bucky? Tell me about Bucky.  
Date: 10/09/14  
From: Steve Rogers (Captain America, Miniature Version)  
Status: Private to Natasha Romanov (Black Widow)

Yeah, I can do that, I'm not doing anything right now but hiding out in a hotel room, but how is it going to help to write a blog entry and pretend like things are normal?

 

Subject: 15.  
Date: 10/09/14  
Posted by: Steve Rogers  
Status: Public

While I was in DC, I also stopped by the National Gallery of Art. I really meant to just wander through, I wasn't even planning on staying very long, but they were having a talk about "Collective Guilt in German Post-War Art and Culture" and I got drawn in by the sheer power and scale of some of the works they were talking about. The canvases were twice as tall as I am, and...

It was just the kind of art that really conveyed an emotional message.

I didn't even have to listen to the talk to understand what the art was about. It was a good talk too, though. Very informative.

 

Subject: Keeping my options open  
Date: 10/09/14  
From: Steve Rogers (Captain America, Miniature Version)  
Status: Private to Natasha Romanov (Black Widow)

That what you had in mind? That's what I was planning to write about last night, if this hadn't happened.

Also, how'd you change your tag to Black Widow?

I heard from Sam yesterday. He's laying low, just like I am. Playing defense -- for now.

Thanks, Natasha.

 

Subject: Who are you?  
Date: 10/10/14  
From: Steve Rogers  
Status: Private to Anon32

You seem to know a lot. I'm listening.


	17. Chapter 17

Subject: The FBI  
Date: 10/11/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Natasha Romanov (Black Widow), Tony Stark (Higher, Brighter, Faster), Clint Barton (Has Anyone Heard the Story of William Tell?)

Stark reports that the FBI is probably relatively clean. If Hydra's in there, they're not a big enough presence to be obvious to the first hacker who hacks their files and analyzes their traffic patterns. (That's a quote.) So that's the good news.

Bad news: the man I recognized attacking me was an FBI consultant, and he had ties to SHIELD as well as to various criminal organizations he was supposed to be an expert on. So if he's Hydra, and once we analyze his SHIELD ties I'm betting there will be some stuff that stands out there -- then Hydra has a lot of connections that no one knew about. 

Good news: he was only a consultant, the actual FBI investigation may not be totally compromised. I've passed this information on to the FBI agent in charge of the investigation, and she's acting on it, but it wouldn't hurt to pass it on to anyone trustworthy you know in the FBI, maybe they can keep an eye on things unofficially.

Not sure what to make of it news: I've got someone feeling me out about trading information about the Hydra group behind the attack. This person seems to know a lot about the attack, but I haven't been able to pin down what they want from me.

I'm going to keep talking to see if I can find out more.

So far, I've gathered that they've worked with Coulson a couple of times, and they speak Czech, and that they grew up somewhere that has prairies. I get the impression they're young, fairly new to SHIELD, and got in with Hydra by accident and want out. Any idea how many people that could that be?

 

Subject: Natasha  
Date: 10/11/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Natasha Romanov (Black Widow)

Yeah, give me another week of this and I'll know all the secrets of the system.

If I need backup, you're my first choice.

 

Subject: Barton  
Date: 10/11/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Clint Barton (Really, Stark. Apples? Too easy.)

Yeah, I'm worried about those people too. Hard to know who can protect them from Hydra now. 

So if there's unofficial protection taking place? Good luck. 

Let me know if there's anything I can do.

 

Subject: Barton  
Date: 10/11/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Clint Barton (Really, Stark. Apples? Too easy.)

No, I don't know if there's a cure. Or a way to undo whatever they did to me. Stark and Dr. Banner are working on it.

 

Subject: 16.  
Date: 10/12/14  
Posted by: Steve Rogers  
Status: Public

I got a few questions about what I think about the new temple to the Norse gods being constructed in Iceland. 

I consider Thor to be a friend of mine, but so far as I can see, this doesn't have a lot to do with Thor -- or Loki or Odin, or any of the other Asgardians. In fact, it's a denial of the reality of Asgard as the home of a powerful alien race in favor of human spirituality and human myth constructed around poorly understood historical events.

I like that they're pretty open about that, though. They're not saying they're actually worshiping Thor. If they want to celebrate poetic metaphors and human psychology...

It's not the kind of religion I grew up with, but I live in the United States of America, where religion is free.

And in my opinion, poetic metaphors and human psychology are better elements of worship than the worship of raw power. That's clearly where all these stories about gods all started out.

That said, I bet Thor would laugh.

 

Subject: Natasha  
Date: 10/12/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Natasha Romanov (Black Widow)

I've been out to buy more food twice in the past couple of days, and I haven't seen any sign that I'm under observation. I've checked all the ways you told me.

I bought a sketch book too.

Really, skipping half those meetings in DC: the only good thing to come out of this.

Remind me -- what am I keeping my options open -for-?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (inspired by: http://www.theguardian.com/world/2015/feb/02/iceland-temple-norse-gods-1000-years)


	18. Chapter 18

Subject: Bucky  
Date: 10/12/14  
From: Steve Rogers  
Status: Private to Anon1046

Yeah, the meetings are over. I'm not going to be back for a while, though. Something's come up.

 

Subject: Bucky  
Date: 10/13/14  
From: Steve Rogers  
Status: Private to Anon1046

God, Buck, it's nothing like that. And of course I trust you. I just... There is something going on, but there's nothing you could do here. I just want to protect you from this, okay? Will you let me do that? At least for a little bit more?

And yeah, sure, invite Natasha to come in if you want. How long have you known she was there? 

Does she know you know? I'm just curious.

 

Subject: 17.  
Date: 10/14/14  
Posted by: Steve Rogers  
Status: Public

I would like to state, definitively and for the record, that there is no truth to the rumor that's been going around -- and has even shown up on some otherwise reputable news websites -- that I've agreed to take command of a new organization that's being put together to take the place of SHIELD.

 

Subject: Advice?  
Date: 10/14/14  
From: Steve Rogers (      --      This Space Intentionally Blank      --      )  
Status: Private to Tony Stark (How Dare You Hack My Name Tag. The Name Tag is Sacrosanct. Remember That.), Natasha Romanov (Concise. Unlike Some.), Clint Barton (Just Hawkeye), Sam Wilson

Why do I feel like that's a bad sign?

Like someone else is trying to use me again. Like when Hydra was trying to use my blog to publicize their threats and prove they could put one over on Captain America. Because it's Captain America. That means something. Only this time, it's not Hydra, is it?

They did ask. A Senator asked me to head up an initiative to ... It'd take too long to tell you exactly what she said, but what she meant was "We need another SHIELD, only this one should have even fewer safeguards because that way we can make it do whatever we say". And then she said something that meant "We want you to be a figurehead to restore faith in something that doesn't deserve faith."

You can see why I said no.

She kept pushing for over an hour, promising more and more, and I just kept saying no.

She must have really thought that if only she could figure out the right thing to offer, I'd just fall into line. I can't imagine why she thought I took down SHIELD in the first place. No, I can. It's petty and sordid.

I'm pretty sure Peggy must have had to work with someone like this Senator back when she and Howard were putting SHIELD together. I hope she told them exactly what she thought at least once.

 

Subject: Results  
Date: 10/14/14  
From: Steve Rogers (      --      This Space Intentionally Blank      --      )  
Status: Private to Tony Stark (How Dare You Hack My Name Tag. The Name Tag is Sacrosanct. Remember That.), Bruce Banner (Not Green), Natasha Romanov (Concise. Unlike Some.), Clint Barton (Just Hawkeye), Sam Wilson (Who's This Again?)

Stark and Dr. Banner have been running tests, and report that:  
a) I was probably exposed to some kind of airborne virus a few days before the attack. It spread throughout my system and then that flash of light that Sam didn't see -- that probably activated the anti-serum.  
b) The virus uses my white blood cells and only my white blood cells to propagate. It's matched to my exact genes. They had to have my blood to develop the anti-serum. (But they didn't need much, so my money's on that fight I had a few weeks ago. It was bloody enough. I bleed just like anyone else; it's mighty easy to get my blood these days.)  
c) The virus is unlikely to be of terrestrial origin.

Before you ask, still no information so far on whether this physical change is temporary or permanent.

This is the sort of stuff that would have been SHIELD's bailiwick half a year ago. I'm going to give this information to the FBI, but I'm not sure they're equipped to handle this.

 

Subject: Natasha  
Date: 10/14/14  
From: Steve Rogers (      --      This Space Intentionally Blank      --      )  
Status: Private to Natasha Romanov (Concise. Unlike Some.)

Good idea. I'll email you my schedule of meetings in DC. 

The meeting with the President got canceled, and the one about the new SHIELD, just like the old SHIELD -- that ran long. Actually, most of the ones where they asked probing questions about the old SHIELD ran long too, and I was breathing harder in those. Some of those people are sharp.

I didn't notice anything suspicious, like anyone was trying to infect me with an airborne virus, but I wouldn't, would I? It could just as easily have been at dinner, or when I was running... There's always air, and I'm always breathing it.

Yeah, I don't want to leave Bucky without backup, but won't he stick out? He's pretty noticeable.

 

Subject: Sam  
Date: 10/14/14  
From: Steve Rogers (      --      This Space Intentionally Blank      --      )  
Status: Private to Sam Wilson (Codename Falcon)

Funny, Natasha suggested the same thing. She's on it.

I don't know what I'm expecting. I'm getting tired of hiding. Sure, come join me.

 

Subject: Natasha  
Date: 10/14/14  
From: Steve Rogers (      --      This Space Intentionally Blank      --      )  
Status: Private to Natasha Romanov (Concise. Unlike Some.)

You're right. Your call. Carry on.

 

Subject: Barton  
Date: 10/14/14  
From: Steve Rogers (      --      This Space Intentionally Blank      --      )  
Status: Private to Clint Barton (Just Hawkeye)

I didn't ask.

 

Subject: Barton  
Date: 10/14/14  
From: Steve Rogers (      --      This Space Intentionally Blank      --      )  
Status: Private to Clint Barton (Just Hawkeye)

Why? Do you have something to prove? To me?


	19. Chapter 19

Subject: Thank you  
Date: 10/15/14  
From: Steve Rogers  
Status: Private to Alison Liu

I saw you commenting, I just wanted to tell you that I received the information you sent by email, and passed it all on to some friends of mine who will probably understand it better. It's good of you to send your unfinished work, I personally really appreciate that you're willing to help someone who just randomly asks for information over the internet.

Before you say anything, yeah, I know that I'm mostly not just "someone", but even so. Thanks.

Also, thanks for the vote of confidence in my previous entry.

 

Subject: Thank you  
Date: 10/15/14  
From: Steve Rogers  
Status: Private to Alison Liu

Yeah, actually I did read through some of it. I didn't follow all the math or chemistry, but the discussion and conclusions -- 

After all the ways the Chitauri aren't like humans, it's funny to think about them having DNA made out of the same basic building blocks...or having alien viruses that work in the same way as influenza. That's scary.

I can't really tell you why I'm asking all this, but I do have one more question: do you think the Chitauri get sick the same way we do? If a Chitauri got infected with a virus, would they get sick and then get better? Or would...something else happen? How long would it take?

 

Subject: Bucky  
Date: 10/15/14  
From: Steve Rogers  
Status: Private to Anon1046

Do you remember--

Never mind. That's a lousy way to start off a conversation with someone who's struggling with their memory, isn't it? But I know you don't remember this, because you weren't there:

The first time Colonel Phillips took me to one of those briefings he had, with all the officers under his command, he introduced me as "Captain Rogers". At some point, I don't remember exactly when, I started getting introduced as "Captain America".

I liked it. I like that "Captain America" was -me-, Steve Rogers. It wasn't something I had to live up to, it was something I was -creating-.

And you never let me rest on my laurels. And you never stopped teasing me about the costume.

 

Subject: 18.  
Date: 10/15/14  
Posted by: Steve Rogers  
Status: Public

I've written about the Howling Commandos, but not a lot about the rest of the brigade. Rank having its privileges, I'll start with Colonel Chester Phillips, who commanded the brigade. He was the kind of guy who just wanted to get things done, and didn't have a lot of patience for you unless he thought you could be part of that. I've met a lot of men like him since then. I reported directly to him, and so did Peggy Carter.

So that tells you something about Peggy Carter right there. She was good at getting things done. 

The first official mission of hers that I knew about, she was sent in to reorganize an imaginary division. We had a whole company that generated radio traffic and tank noises and fake tracks that could be read from the air so the Germans would believe in this imaginary division and position their forces to meet them. Peggy told them what to say to make the imaginary threat twice as menacing.

Another time, she was sent -- alone -- to track down the truth of a rumor we'd heard about a wounded American soldier holed up in a shack. She brought him back alive, although the Germans were heavy in that area.

I asked her how she did it. I didn't think I could have made it through that area without igniting about a dozen firefights.

She looked at me. "What do people see when they look at you?" she asked tiredly. I got the impression that what she saw right then was another obstacle between her and a chance to get some rest.

She shook her head at me. "And what do you think they see when they look at me?" Then she patted me kindly on the shoulder and left me to think about it. Sometimes she didn't have a lot of patience either.

The first time we worked together, on the same mission, it was her mission. Her job was to make contact with the local resistance in the vicinity of one of the Hydra bases, and assess what help they could be. We were her backup.

The base was different from most other Hydra bases; it didn't stand apart from the village. That's because both of them were on an island in a swampy area, and there was no solid ground around them. There was a town on the other side of the swamp, and that's where we picked up the local guide who led us through.

When we got there, they invited Peggy inside the village hall, the only building over one story high -- but it was short in the shadow of the Hydra base. Peggy got to go in; we were told to stay outside.

"Stand down, boys," Peggy said. "I've got this."

It turned out to be a trap. The local resistance had resisted too hard, and been replaced by Hydra sympathizers. When the shooting started, we stormed in to rescue her. We thought she'd be pinned down somewhere on the top floor where the meeting was being held. But no, Peggy got out of that part of the trap unscathed. She met us half way down the stairs.

Really, that was just ... Peggy. She knew what she was doing, -always-. But the thing about that mission that sticks out in my mind is that after we got back, there was a journalist with a camera, he saw us come in and started asking questions about where we'd been, what we'd been doing. Most of the guys were happy to answer, mug for the camera...

I found Peggy behind one of the tents, methodically cleaning her gun. Another loaded Colt .45 sat on the ground within easy reach.

"Public opinion is against women carrying guns," she said crisply before I asked. "I'm not allowed to have my picture taken with a sidearm. If the general public were to find out, they might object."

She glanced at the loaded gun and smiled tightly. I thought about her up in that room surrounded by Hydra. Maybe that's what she was thinking about too when she added, "I don't have room to consider what anyone else expects of me. I'll do what needs to be done."

She loaded her newly cleaned gun and slipped it into the holster at her side, then started cleaning the other one.

 

Subject: Bucky  
Date: 10/15/14  
From: Steve Rogers  
Status: Private to Anon1046

No, I'm just trying to make some sense out of ... everything. Who else am I going to talk to?

Don't give me that. I don't care if you can't remember how to tease me like you used to. Don't let that bother you. It'll come back, or maybe it won't. We'll figure something new out.

You may not have noticed, but -I'm- not the same either. Just tell me what you think. I'll listen to anything you've got to say, as long as you keep listening to me.

 

Subject: Natasha  
Date: 10/14/14  
From: Steve Rogers (      --      This Space Intentionally Blank      --      )  
Status: Private to Natasha Romanov (Concise. Unlike Some.)

Damn.

Thanks for letting me know. Or thank Barton.

I guess my hope that they'd spend all their effort going after me was...

Any leads? We need to find them before they find anyone else.

Where are they, Natasha? I know they hate me, I know they want me dead, and I'm not getting sloppy, but isn't it weird that they haven't tracked me down here by now? Tell me the truth -- if you wanted me, you'd have found me by now, right? So why haven't they?


	20. Chapter 20

Subject: Natasha  
Date: 10/17/14  
From: Steve Rogers (      --      This Space Intentionally Blank      --      )  
Status: Private to Natasha Romanov (Concise. Unlike Some.)

That sounds pretty conclusive.

I thought for sure you'd track down the virus and find that it came from that Senator, the one who kept pushing SHIELD at me. I guess I was close. Do you think this staffer of hers was working alone? Is the Senator part of Hydra too? What about the rest of her staff?

Don't send the notes to me, what would I do with them? Send them to Dr. Banner. He's been working on this every waking hour, so far as I can tell, and sending me updates every day. I don't have the heart to explain that I don't really understand half of what he says about biochemical changes and vectors for gene therapy and...and so on. He's pretty excited by the idea that super soldier serum can be counteracted. I don't blame him. It might be the solution he's been looking for.

Nothing new on counteracting the virus for me, though.

Back to this staffer that gave me this virus in the first place, I bet I know what you're going to say. You're going to tell me that now that we know about him, we can't just take him out, aren't you? We've got to use him to get to the real threat. He's just a pawn, right?

 

Subject: Natasha  
Date: 10/17/14  
From: Steve Rogers (      --      This Space Intentionally Blank      --      )  
Status: Private to Natasha Romanov (Concise. Unlike Some.)

Oh, is -that- what I would have learned from those notes? I thought they were scientific notes about the virus, not detailed pages full of imaginary symptoms and worries about some million to one chance that the virus mutated and infected him even though it was targeted at me. 

Yeah, that's a pretty big weakness.

I like that plan. Why would it bother me? Because it could actually happen now? Natasha, I'm not afraid of getting sick and dying. I've been there before, lived with that possibility, and I'm not planning on doing anything different now just because I might not live forever. That would be stupid.

Just tell me the symptoms you're going to give him, and I'll tell the world that I have them. He'll think we both have the same thing.

Are you going to offer him a cure to the virus in return for information, or follow him and hope he gets in contact with Hydra to try to get one?

 

Subject: Stark  
Date: 10/17/14  
From: Steve Rogers (      --      This Space Intentionally Blank      --      )  
Status: Private to Tony Stark (Conciseness is overrated. Speaking of which, did I ever tell you about the time I hacked into SHIELD and replaced all their post-mission report forms with improved versions? My favorite new question was 'How many times did you stop for coffee on this mission?' In all seriousness, I was totally convinced that SHIELD had so much unnecessary paperwork already no one would ever notice, and I wasn't wrong: I saw that question come up in reports from the SHIELD data dump. But the _really_ funny thing is that only about half of the post-mission reports in the data dump had that question. So not only did they have too much paperwork, they didn't even have standard forms. They had _multiple_ post-mission report forms. Tell me that's not hilarious.)

Remember how you said to let you know if there was anything you could do?

I need a place to set a trap for Hydra. I know Howard used to talk about a shack up on some lake, still have that? It sounded pretty isolated, and like it could stand up to a fight.

I'd use my apartment, but I don't want to have to get Bucky used to another place to live, plus I'd worry about the neighbors. For once, I'd like to have a fight that's not in the middle of a city.

 

Subject: Stark  
Date: 10/17/14  
From: Steve Rogers (      --      This Space Intentionally Blank      --      )  
Status: Private to Tony Stark (Conciseness is overrated. Speaking of which, did I ever tell you about the time I hacked into SHIELD and replaced all their post-mission report forms with improved versions? My favorite new question was 'How many times did you stop for coffee on this mission?' In all seriousness, I was totally convinced that SHIELD had so much unnecessary paperwork already no one would ever notice, and I wasn't wrong: I saw that question come up in reports from the SHIELD data dump. But the _really_ funny thing is that only about half of the post-mission reports in the data dump had that question. So not only did they have too much paperwork, they didn't even have standard forms. They had _multiple_ post-mission report forms. Tell me that's not hilarious.)

Oh, right. Not a shack any more. And not isolated any more.

The old manufacturing plant sounds perfect. I can set up in the offices. Sam and I will go take a look right away.

Yeah, nice story. Someone's going to change that for you.

 

Subject: Natasha  
Date: 10/17/14  
From: Steve Rogers (      --      This Space Intentionally Blank      --      )  
Status: Private to Natasha Romanov (Concise. Unlike Some.)

Yeah, I was thinking kill two birds with one stone. If Hydra thinks I'm sick, maybe they'll come after me. 

I don't mind being bait.

 

Subject: Really?  
Date: 10/17/14  
From: Steve Rogers (      --      This Space Intentionally Blank      --      )  
Status: Private to Natasha Romanov (Concise. Unlike Some.), Tony Stark (Quit spamming, Stark.)

Why wouldn't I hide out in an abandoned manufacturing plant? It sounds like a great place to hide out. 

Stark, shouldn't have offered if you didn't mean it. If you're so concerned, come hang out there with me. Wouldn't say no to Iron Man as backup.

Natasha, you have to take care of Bucky. Plus, who else is going to play that staffer half as well as you?

I've got Sam and I'll rope in Barton if it looks like we can use him. And it's a -trap-. Do you really think I don't know how to set a trap? Maybe they will smell something fishy, but if they want me, they'll still come. It's my job to make it convincing, draw them in, and then spring the trap.

I know exactly what I'm capable of. I haven't been lounging around this last week, I've been working on that.

 

Subject: Natasha  
Date: 10/17/14  
From: Steve Rogers (Small, but Fierce)  
Status: Private to Natasha Romanov (Concise. Unlike Some.)

Yeah. Sam wants to protect me too. It's been awkward since he got here. I can't... 

I understand why. I look like a 90 pound weakling. I am a 90 pound weakling. And they -- Stark was weird when he stopped by to get my blood. None of the usual jostling, not even any teasing. I didn't think anything of it then, I had other things on my mind. But he's not a strategist, he's all about armor and weapons. And he looks at me and thinks I can't fight, because I don't have the same amount of force to apply. He's wrong.

Sam...

I guess it matters that I'm not the image of a hero any more. But we're friends too. So that one's a bit more complicated. 

 

Subject: Natasha  
Date: 10/17/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Natasha Romanov (Concise. Unlike Some.)

Was that whining? I didn't think that was whining. 

Getting on with it, though. Thanks for the tips.

 

Subject: Jarvis  
Date: 10/17/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Jarvis (Ask and You Shall Receive)

Thanks for the picture. And thanks for doing whatever you did to make it traceable.

 

Subject: Bucky  
Date: 10/18/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Anon1046

Natasha's probably already told you this, but I just want to make sure you know that none of the stuff I'm going to write about being sick is true. It's just a trap.

I'm fine. Not sick. Not even a little, and definitely not anything like I used to get sick sometimes.

 

Subject: 19.  
Date: 10/18/14  
Posted by: Steve Rogers  
Status: Public

Hi, everyone. 

When I started this journal, I said I was going to talk about my daily life, and then I never did.

Most of the time, it's just not that interesting. I do a lot of training, and I also spend a lot of time trying to figure out the world. Movies, books -- actually, even when I was growing up, I used to read about things I wanted to know more about, so that hasn't changed. It's just easier to buy books now than it used to be. I used to have to save up for a while, or get them from the library.

Lately I also do a lot of drawing. The interesting thing about drawing is that you can do it anywhere, all you need is a piece of paper and a pen or pencil.

I was going to show you a sketch I made of the bridge outside the window where I'm staying, but I spilled soup all over it because I was coughing pretty hard.

Now you know why I was looking for something to write about. Stuck in a lousy uncomfortable room with nothing but a bridge and some ugly buildings to look at out the window, coughing my lungs up.

It's funny, I hardly ever get sick. It's really not that bad, just the coughing, plus the fever and some kind of rash. I've had a lot worse...but not lately. It reminds me of the old days. Maybe I shouldn't say that, but I guess it doesn't make much difference. 

I'm sure it'll be over quickly, though.

I'm really not feeling that bad, I just like to complain, I guess.

Here's a picture I took of the same bridge instead. I hope I can get it to show up here.

_[there is a picture of a bridge here]_

 

Subject: Bucky  
Date: 10/18/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Anon1046

It's all lies. Even the part about hoping I could get the picture to show up, because Jarvis did that for me.

I don't really like lying to everyone, but this is war, right?


	21. Chapter 21

Subject: You again  
Date: 10/18/14  
From: Steve Rogers  
Status: Private to Anon32

Thought you'd got lost in cyberspace.

I don't like being sick, no. But I do have a lot of time to talk.

Are you trying to get me tell you something that I don't tell the general public? Why would I do that?

How about the other way? If you have anything at all to tell me about what Hydra's doing now, I'm listening.

 

Subject: You again  
Date: 10/18/14  
From: Steve Rogers  
Status: Private to Anon32

Actually, I'm not surprised Hydra doesn't do much communication with the troops on the ground. But if you're out there doing things for Hydra... then I'm guessing you know more than you're telling me right now. You know what you're doing, at least, and you're not telling me that.

You know where you are, and how you get into contact with other Hydra members.

All of that -- intel I could use.

 

Subject: You again  
Date: 10/18/14  
From: Steve Rogers  
Status: Private to Anon32

Hydra is trying to kill innocent people. You know that, don't you? That's why you're talking to me.

If you're asking me what you should do: you can't let being scared stop you from doing what's right.

Do you really believe any of that? They're not going to create a better world. You can't do evil things and think it's going to make the world any better.

 

Subject: You again  
Date: 10/18/14  
From: Steve Rogers  
Status: Private to Anon32

No, I don't have a lot of patience for excuses.

I've made mistakes. 

This is what I think: when you make a mistake, you have to try to fix it

 

Subject: You again  
Date: 10/18/14  
From: Steve Rogers  
Status: Private to Anon32

That's a good first step.

You're right, I believe in second chances.

But I also believe they're just like first chances. Sometimes, if you're very lucky, you get them handed to you -- but most of the time you have to go out them and make them for yourself. Find it and take it and hold on to it with everything you've got.

I'm not the one you should be talking to about legal stuff, I'm not in any position to make deals. I'm not even sure who to point you at, right now. But I'll put in a good word for you if you help me. All I can promise.

I'm not trying to discourage you, but you need to know what the situation is. I won't lie to you about that.

 

Subject: You again  
Date: 10/18/14  
From: Steve Rogers  
Status: Private to Anon32

I'm not surprised. I didn't think they'd forgotten about me.

Thanks for the warning. 

What do you think about those things they're saying about me? 

I guess I'm curious why you're so willing to listen to what I have to say when I know your bosses want you to hate me. When Hydra hates me and everything I stand for. It's the reverse side of how so many other people want to think I'm a hero. 

Even before I showed up to remind them, Hydra hadn't forgotten WWII, had they?

But you... 

How'd you get in with Hydra and still end up wanting to listen to me?

 

Subject: You again  
Date: 10/18/14  
From: Steve Rogers  
Status: Private to Anon32

No, I don't quite trust you. I want to, though.

I don't hate everyone who's danced to Hydra's tune. Some people...didn't have enough choices.

Okay, what I'd really like to know ... I understand you're isolated, but you're in contact with this "Green Head", correct? You've actually talked to her?

What I keep wondering is: what are the people running these operation actually thinking? Do they think they're going to win? Are they desperate? Do they have a plan, or are they just lashing out?

 

Subject: 20.  
Date: 10/19/14  
Posted by: Steve Rogers  
Status: Public

Thanks for all the well wishes. It means a lot to me, every single message.

I wish I could thank you all individually, I feel like a heel just saying thank you out here in the open like I'm on the radio and don't have any choice but to talk to everyone all at once, it's like I don't value the individual things you said, but I'm not really up to it. I'm sorry about that.

I am doing better today. You don't need to send me too many more pictures of cats. They make me cough. 

But it's much more fun being sick in the future, with the internet. I've been looking at this website a lot too: http://www.jordanliles.com/george/images

It's pretty good for distraction. All those places, all those changes, and the time I still think is home, that's somewhere right smack in the middle, right there with the very few buildings that have stuck around all that time. Sometimes I think I can see the world I remember if I flicker back and forth between the past and the future. That's the fever talking, isn't it?

 

...I just read over this again, and I don't know why I said some of those things. I actually like the pictures of cats, and it sounds like I don't. I'd rewrite this whole entry, but I guess I'm still sick enough that I don't care. I'm sorry about that.

 

Subject: Bucky  
Date: 10/19/14  
From: Steve Rogers  
Status: Private to Anon1046

I'm lying again. I remember being a lot less nice when I'm sick. Or maybe just less apologetic. I couldn't help being sick, nothing to apologize for. Now...

I don't know what to say. I guess I've changed more than I realized. I forgot how to just accept things that just -have- to be accepted. There are some things like that, and I'm pretty sure I used to know, that's how I knew when I had more in me to give. Because I'd been there when I didn't have anything. Now I've had so much for so long... Funny, huh?

I thought maybe this trap would work, but I'm starting to doubt it. Very quiet here.

What are you doing today?

 

Subject: Natasha  
Date: 10/19/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Natasha Romanov (Concise. Unlike Some.)

All quiet here.

Been talking to that Hydra agent. I don't trust her.

(I think all that training in not trusting anyone is starting to stick.)

Anything happening there? How long do you want me to keep this up? I'm inclined to give it until the 21st.


	22. Chapter 22

Subject: Bucky  
Date: 10/19/14  
From: Steve Rogers  
Status: Private to Anon1046

Well, you and Natasha are making more progress than I am. Maybe it doesn't seem like it, with all that running around, but at least you're going somewhere.

 

Subject: You again  
Date: 10/19/14  
From: Steve Rogers  
Status: Private to Anon32

Yeah, that sounds pretty fanatical. Also, pretty funny. Even I think that's funny. Do you think they have a sense of humor, or did they leave themselves open like that by accident? How hard did they crack down after their anonymous mailing list got used to sent out all those anonymous gifs instead of official Hydra orders?

Do you think there's anyone else in Hydra -- maybe the people on the ground, like you -- who'd be open to a surrender?

If this is a war, then surrender is always an option. Quit fighting and go home. You don't have to fight.

 

Subject: 21.  
Date: 10/20/14  
Posted by: Steve Rogers  
Status: Public

I know I just posted an entry here, but I have the whole afternoon free, nothing else to do but this or draw another picture of that bridge, and I was thinking about that entry I wrote a couple of days ago, about my daily life. I can do better than that.

This time I'm going to write about the internet, because that's an even better place to find things out than books.

This afternoon, in between bouts of coughing, I'm going to use the internet to see what I can find out about the Howling Commandos that I don't already know.

I'm starting with Falsworth, because I have that website his granddaughter sent me to start from. 

He has six grandchildren, and four great-grandchildren. He died of heart failure. He had many friends, and ... I think he was [knighted]()? I didn't realize that when I looked before. Sir James Montgomery Falsworth. There's a [picture]() of him with the queen, leaning on a cane but a smile I can still recognize. I bet he never dwelled on it, but I bet he was proud. 

But I wonder why he had that cane. He doesn't look very old in the picture. I wonder if it was just a temporary injury or if it was something that he had to live with for the rest of his life.

I wonder if it was the kind that conceals a sword inside.

Next: Dernier. All the first search results are showing people who are not my Jacques Dernier. This is harder than I thought. Oh, [that's him](), and that's a pretty woman standing next to him. And [that's him]() too. He was living in Collioure in 1961, running boat tours in the Mediterranean. A local newspaper ran an [article]() on him, but my French isn't good enough to get much more out of it.

Oh. He died [in 1974](). Something about a storm. Boating accident?

But he had two kids, and he didn't look angry in either of the pictures. It's hard to tell with pictures, though.

Jim Morita: worked for Stark Industries after the war? That's...not that surprising, I guess. His name is on a few old patents. Worked for SHIELD for a few years, toward the beginning, that's well documented of course. Started a business that his nephew's still running. Died of pancreatic cancer. Never got married, no kids but the nephew says he was like a father. He did okay.

Gabe Jones is [all over the SHIELD files](). Didn't I say that man could do anything? He died in 2000.

Reading between the lines, I'm pretty sure he died in the line of duty, but maybe not when officially on duty? Never retired, just kept doing what he did.

Dum Dum Dugan died in Vietnam. I couldn't find anything else.

Bucky Barnes ... I can't talk about Bucky Barnes right now. He's always been the best friend a guy could ever imagine having, but I'm not going to look for him on the internet, and I'm not going to talk about Bucky Barnes right now. Sorry.

Maybe this isn't that much better than the other entry, but I'm going to post it because the afternoon is almost over. I guess you can let me know if it's any good or not.

 

Subject: Jarvis  
Date: 10/20/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Jarvis (Ask and You Shall Receive)

Thanks for showing me how to make links. I don't really want any more information on the Howling Commandos, not right now, but thanks for offering. 

 

Subject: Jarvis  
Date: 10/20/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Jarvis (Ask and You Shall Receive)

If you want to help, quit reminding me of Howard.

Okay, that wasn't fair.

You probably can't understand this, but I've been here for a couple of years, and I thought I'd finally got over it, that knowing they lived and were happy would be a good thing.

But I still have a feeling of 'What? No!' when I look at some of these things. And the tight feeling in my chest like something is just -wrong-.

It's always going to be that kind of wrong. I need to get used to it.

I'm glad they lived. I'm not resigned to them all being dead, or lost, or overtaken by time...

I've been to see Peggy, I've seen everything Howard Stark left behind and what Tony made of it...

Like I said, I guess you probably can't understand about old friends, though. You're even younger than Natasha.

 

Subject: Bucky  
Date: 10/20/14  
From: Steve Rogers  
Status: Private to Anon1046

I think I need to quit lying so close to the truth. It's supposed to be the easiest way to lie, but it might be getting too easy.

God, I'm glad you're here. I can't even begin to tell you how glad.

 

Subject: Bucky  
Date: 10/20/14  
From: Steve Rogers  
Status: Private to Anon1046

Yeah, I remember that. 

Thanks.


	23. Chapter 23

Subject: 22.  
Date: 10/21/14  
Posted by: Steve Rogers  
Status: Public

It's been exactly one month since Hydra threatened me and said I had no more than a month to live.

So much for that.

 

Subject: Status  
Date: 10/21/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Natasha Romanov (Concise. Unlike Some.), Sam Wilson (Codename Falcon), Tony Stark (You Can Call Me Tony), Clint Barton (Just Hawkeye), Bruce Banner (All Science All The Time) 

The short version: 

Hydra came today with enough enough force to give us a run for our money. They'd have easily taken out me and Sam, even with everything set up in our favor. Luckily, we had Barton and Stark too. It turns out Hydra had reinforcements as well. 

Parts of the fight make no sense in hindsight, I'll get to the details further on, but after the back and forth was over we left Hydra in possession of Stark's old manufacturing plant, shooting out mirrors and running away from robots. The police arrived several minutes later, by which time most of the Hydra agents had scattered, but a few of the slower ones were rounded up. The police also let me know that there was one dead Hydra agent in one of the rooms we weren't using -- we didn't kill him. I've identified him as that FBI consultant who was present when I got attacked the first time. He died from a gunshot wound to the head.

We picked up a ray gun and a couple of cell phones that Stark's going to rip apart (I think he means that metaphorically), and Barton hit a fair number of them with tiny tracker darts, Stark will be making the tracker data available. So far, they don't seem to have a base -- they stayed scattered instead of coming back together -- but there are a few areas of concentration.

Sam's in the hospital, but he's not in danger. Just getting fixed up.

 

The big surprise: 

They really wanted -something-. They committed, they fought like it mattered, and they put an awful lot of effort into...

Probably not trying to kill me. If that's what they wanted, they missed a few opportunities. I'm not saying they could have done it, but they didn't even try.

 

And now for the long version, see if you can make sense of it (and please add in anything I missed):

We set up in the offices like planned. Sam was with me, because Hydra already knew about him. Barton took the perimeter. Stark spent most of his time out on the factory floor, messing with the robots. They used to make some kind of missile, before Stark quit making weapons. They started off strong, fast, and precise, and pretty soon Stark had them zooming around too. A few days in, that factory was twice the trap it'd been to start. The robots set up a maze of mirrors to funnel anyone who didn't know the trick toward the center of the room.

Actually, they weren't really mirrors. They were some kind of shiny missile casings, bolted together in curves, which just made the whole thing that much more like a fun house.

We were ready when Hydra showed up. Barton spotted them pretty far out, and tagged a lot of them with the locators before they'd even made it into the building. They came in the only way we'd left open for them to come in -- through a big bank of windows along an upper story hallway. They snuck down the hallway -- I counted about fifteen of them. Not taking any chances. They must not have known that their virus worked as well as it did, because that's the kind of force you'd send against a guy who was super strong and super fast.

Or maybe they just knew it was a trap, and wanted to have a good chance of getting through once they sprang it. 

They took their time getting down the hall, and spread out to either side before bursting through the doorway. I wasn't there, of course. Sam and I opened fire from across the hall and forced a few of them into that room, but the rest retreated back down the hallway. Sam took care of the ones in the room while I got my shield and ran, leading the other ones on to the factory floor.

They were shooting then. I just hid behind my shield and didn't worry -- nothing to worry about, it was so much easier to stay covered.

I guess it's hard to tell if they were shooting to kill or not. I thought so at the time.

I led them into the maze and the robots moved a wall to let me out and then Stark had a field day until they started blowing up the maze. And then the Hydra reinforcements arrived and everything went to hell.

We'd had the high ground until the reinforcements got there, but they broke in through one of the back doors that we'd thought were secure, came up the stairs to a walkway that overlooked the factory floor and the maze, and started shooting Stark enough to interfere with his flying. Sam was grounded too, and Barton had to retreat from his perch.

The ones in the maze made it out and attacked me about the same time, and I was pushed back to a corner. They were coming from both sides and I needed walls at my back or I'd have been toast. Stark and Barton got back in position just enough to keep them from rushing me and taking me down, but I was pinned, and the rest of us were under attack too.

When I started seeing bright flashes just like the other time, I just curled up behind my shield and hoped for the best. Didn't want to risk -- who knows what they had in store this time? 

I haven't had any weakness or seizures or any of that this time, and it's been long enough since the fight... So I guess just laying low and letting my shield take the beating for me must have worked. 

But I missed a lot of what was going on right here. I could hear the gunfire and repulsor bolts, it sounded like some fight. 

Stark, Barton...Sam, if you can, please fill in anything that seems important here. Especially anything that'll make some sense out of what all those Hydra agents were trying to -do-.

The thing that just doesn't make any sense to me is how they couldn't seem to get together an attack that would get to me. They had enough people to break out of our trap as soon as their reinforcements arrived -- they had enough firepower to keep -Stark- contained. But I crouched there behind my shield trying to keep from getting flashed again for at least two or three minutes, and that's a hell of a long time in a fight.

It makes me wonder if they had something else in mind, instead of just me. And the dead guy -- that makes me wonder too.

But I was glad enough of it at the time, crouching there trying to figure out the course of the battle from what I could hear. It was when I heard a whole section of Hydra gunfire fall silent that I dared to look out, and saw Sam wrestling on one of those walkways with about a dozen Hydra agents. 

They threw him off the walkway, and his wings were looking tattered but he landed intact just in front of me. Shouldn't have done that, Sam, there wasn't enough room to take off again in that corner.

So then there were two of us stuck in a corner, until Sam shoved some kind of ray gun at me and took off running.

It was the only chance I was going to get, so I put up my shield and ran along the wall toward the other door to confuse things. All the shots seemed to go for Sam, though. (I know why you did it, but that was stupid, Sam. Don't do it again, or take my shield next time.)

And then things started happening very fast. As far as I can remember, about a dozen Hydra agents jumped down to the floor level, I swerved out of sight behind some crumpled missile casings, the Hydra agents converged on Sam, I fumbled around like I was going to throw my shield and then realized I couldn't, Sam broke away and stumbled over some debris on the floor, he was bleeding then, I put that shield in front of me and ran like the dickens straight into the guy who was going to shoot Sam, and then I was in my first close fight as a shrimp since 1943 -- for about two seconds, and then Barton got both guys who were nearest to me, Stark pulled Sam out high enough for Sam to get his wings working, I took a punch to the nose, Stark pulled me out and we made it to the roof, with the sky free and clear above us.

Last thing I saw in the factory was Stark's last remaining robot swinging a wall of bolted missile casings at a line of Hydra agents who weren't taking shots at us even though we were getting away.

 

What I think:

They knew it was a trap, and they came not only prepared, but with about four times as many agents as I was expecting. Conclusion: Hydra is bigger than we thought.

Whatever they said about wanting to kill me, actions count for more, and they weren't trying to kill me. Conclusion: hell if I know.

I'd sure like to know who killed that FBI guy. Also, what that ray gun is. Dr. Banner? I gave it to Stark, if you both want to look at it, you'll have to work it out between you. Play nice.

 

Subject: Sam  
Date: 10/21/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Sam Wilson (Codename Falcon)

This isn't over.

I'm going to stay away from the hospital, I'd just put you in danger if I was there, but don't you think for a second that I wouldn't be there if I could, on your left, doing whatever I could to keep you happy and comfortable.


	24. Chapter 24

Subject: You again  
Date: 10/22/14  
From: Steve Rogers  
Status: Private to Anon32

They really don't trust you, do they.

Yeah, if you think it would be safer to bring them down than to try to run...

I really hate Hydra, for what they do to people.

But you do have a choice. If there's anything I can do to help, I'll do it.

 

Subject: You again  
Date: 10/22/14  
From: Steve Rogers  
Status: Private to Anon32

You can do that?

If you're asking me what I'd do, I'd take that risk in a second if it was in front of me. That kind of information is worth any risk in my book. 

If you can get that kind of data out of Hydra and into the hands of someone who can do something about it, whether that someone is me or the FBI or the police of any stripe or -anyone- you trust to do the right thing with it--

Knowing that much about what Hydra's priorities are would put us a big step ahead.

 

Subject: You again  
Date: 10/22/14  
From: Steve Rogers  
Status: Private to Anon32

Oh.

I guess I still don't understand computers.

I'd pit Tony Stark against any Hydra computer expert who's trying to hide something, so if you can get that data out, I'd bet it'd still be useful, but you have to do what you think is right.

 

Subject: Natasha  
Date: 10/22/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Natasha Romanov (Concise. Unlike Some.)

That's funny. The FBI consultant that turned up dead was wearing a puzzle ring too. Didn't seem to have anything to do with Hydra, and I don't know if it went together two different ways. I'll ask, and if the second design's a wolf...we'll know something. I don't know exactly what.

I hate to ask, but it keeps coming up -- any inside tips on whether the new SHIELD bill is going to pass next week?

 

Subject: Natasha  
Date: 10/22/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Natasha Romanov (Concise. Unlike Some.)

Very funny. 

I'm not planning on dying, so it doesn't matter how that would affect the bill.

They've been busy, haven't they. Do you think the Senator's involved after all?

If you think you've got everything you're going to get -- that's your call.

 

Subject: 23.  
Date: 10/22/14  
Posted by: Steve Rogers  
Status: Public

I'd like to say once again that I don't support the hurried creation of a new SHIELD, and I have not agreed to lead that organization. I don't understand why I keep getting so many comments about this.

 

I also have something to say to those individuals who continue to be a part of Hydra:

It's not to late to stop. Hydra's plan is flawed. You're trying to fight a war you can never win. Even if you had killed me, even if you kill everyone on your list, that won't mean you've won and it won't change anything. You have no support, your hiding places are limited. We know who you are, and we'll find you eventually. You can't rule this country by fear.

Stop now. Don't hurt anyone else for no reason.

 

Subject: Natasha  
Date: 10/22/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Natasha Romanov (Concise. Unlike Some.)

Yeah --

Still can't get drunk.

 

Subject: Natasha  
Date: 10/22/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Natasha Romanov (Concise. Unlike Some.)

You know, you could just ask about Bucky and me, if you want to know about Bucky and me.

 

Subject: Bucky  
Date: 10/22/14  
From: Steve Rogers  
Status: Private to Anon1046

Don't you dare.

Bucky, I wasn't there when that happened. I can't tell you what the truth is.

No one got hurt, did they?

Yeah, there was a fight. Sam's in the hospital, he's going to be okay, I'm laying low again. It wasn't that big a fight. Nothing has really changed because of it, except that we're that much closer to the next fight. Got some leads to follow.

 

Subject: Natasha  
Date: 10/22/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Natasha Romanov (Concise. Unlike Some.)

No, that's okay.

Natasha, is Bucky okay? I thought you said you weren't going to ask him to do anything that would remind him of the bad times. I can't even tell if he's talking about now or something that happened ... before.

Natasha... I need you to take care of him.

 

Subject: Bucky  
Date: 10/22/14  
From: Steve Rogers  
Status: Private to Anon1046

Why aren't you answering your phone?

Calm down. There are some things going on I can't tell you, but I would tell you if I'd found out anything about what happened to you when Hydra had you. I would tell you if there was anything that made me think any different about you, but that's not going to happen. I know you're not the same, I've told you that. I know Hydra made you into the Winter Soldier, and you killed people for them and started wars for years and years. 

I know all this, Bucky, and you're still my friend.

 

Subject: Bucky  
Date: 10/22/14  
From: Steve Rogers  
Status: Private to Anon1046

God, Buck, I'm not going to ask you to kill anyone. I promise, I will -never- ask you to do that. Not now, not in the future.

You are not any less my friend because you won't kill anyone for me.

Please listen to me. I'm your friend until the end of the line. Do you hear me?

 

Subject: Natasha  
Date: 10/22/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Natasha Romanov (Concise. Unlike Some.)

Bucky's not okay.

 

Subject: Natasha  
Date: 10/22/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Natasha Romanov (Concise. Unlike Some.)

But what can I do?

 

Subject: Natasha  
Date: 10/22/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Natasha Romanov (Concise. Unlike Some.)

No.

I -can't-. I know this is my job, no not my job, my purpose, Bucky is the most important thing in my life, I should be there for him, always, but I -can't-.

Do you think I've been staying away because I wanted to?

 

Subject: Bucky  
Date: 10/22/14  
From: Steve Rogers  
Status: Private to Anon1046

Please talk to me. Answer your phone.

 

Subject: Natasha  
Date: 10/22/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Natasha Romanov (Concise. Unlike Some.)

Because I'm afraid. Is he okay?

 

Subject: Natasha  
Date: 10/22/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Natasha Romanov (Concise. Unlike Some.)

Okay.

That's good.

Okay.

I was worried there.

 

Subject: Bucky  
Date: 10/22/14  
From: Steve Rogers  
Status: Private to Anon1046

Don't scare me like that.

 

Subject: Natasha  
Date: 10/22/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Natasha Romanov (Concise. Unlike Some.)

Good.

Not afraid of him. Afraid for him. He's had so much done to him, things he didn't want, that he'd never agree to. He didn't ask for any of that. And I didn't ask for this, and if he looks at me and sees the past, that's one thing. 

Maybe he'll look at me and see the little guy I used to be. Am.

I said I wouldn't change, I told Dr. Erskine I'd remember who I started off as, I'd never lose respect for strength, and then ... I came here, and I lost my way. I guess that's what happened.

I might say I can still be the same person like this, but I miss it. I miss having a body that's big and strong and healthy, that I can depend on. I'm ashamed to say it, but I'm not a little guy in a big body any more, I've changed, and I don't know who am I any more. 

But I guess that doesn't matter. I'm still Steve Rogers, I can figure everything else out eventually.

But if Bucky looks at me and sees that I can't keep things from being done to me, things I don't want, that make me angry and hurt and I just want my body back

I know he'll see that. He still knows me. He knows how to read me.

He'll know that I can't protect him any more. 

That any time I promise him things will be different for him now, I'm making promises that I can't keep...

Natasha, I -can't-.

I thought this would be over by now, but it's not. Dr. Banner still thinks there's hope of figuring this out eventually, though. 

 

Subject: Natasha  
Date: 10/22/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Natasha Romanov (Concise. Unlike Some.)

Can you just explain to Bucky that this is temporary, that I've just got to defeat Hydra first. You're there, he'll listen to you.

 

Subject: Natasha  
Date: 10/22/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Natasha Romanov (Concise. Unlike Some.)

What do you mean you didn't ask about that? 

Natasha, I just told you why I don't want to tell him.

It sure looked like you were asking, in that subtle way of yours. If that's not what you were doing, what was it?

 

Subject: Natasha  
Date: 10/22/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Natasha Romanov (Concise. Unlike Some.)

I wasn't trying to make excuses.

You're the only person I'd trust to take care of him.

 

Subject: Natasha  
Date: 10/22/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Natasha Romanov (Concise. Unlike Some.)

Okay, yeah. About that. But

No, you didn't say that. 

Of course I trust him.

Yeah, you're right, my mistake. I can't say you didn't warn me. I wasn't listening.

I don't want you to lie to him, for me or for anyone. I didn't mean... I know you can probably make him believe anything if you want to, because telling lies is your business (when it's not digging up secrets or dealing with alien invasions or shooting your way into or out of any situation you want) and that's not what I meant. I wanted you to explain because when I try to explain I can't figure out how to actually explain. 

Yeah, bad sign.

But I wasn't trying to set myself up as Fury and get you to do my dirty work.

That's what I did, isn't it?

I'm sorry.

 

Subject: Natasha  
Date: 10/22/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Natasha Romanov (Concise. Unlike Some.)

Natasha, it's simple. If I want anything for you when it comes to Bucky, I just want you to be his friend.

I know it's got to be mystifying for him, I thought that was better than terrifying.

Do you really think that's the best thing to do?

 

Subject: Bucky  
Date: 10/22/14  
From: Steve Rogers  
Status: Private to Anon1046

Bucky, there's something I need to tell you. Are you okay with meeting somewhere safe, and talking?

 

Subject: Natasha  
Date: 10/22/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Natasha Romanov (Concise. Unlike Some.)

You can be subtle if you want. I'll still trust you. But you don't have to be.

I understand. I was asking too much. 

Yeah, let's meet at Stark Tower. Stark said we were all welcome to crash at his place. I think this counts as crashing.

I'll talk to Bucky.

And next time I'll be more careful about who I want you to be.

You're right. I was assuming too much about you...and maybe about Bucky. I don't know. I don't know how I'm going to tell him this, but ... I've got to do it.

And I'm glad you trust me enough to call me on it when I'm wrong.


	25. Chapter 25

Subject: Barton  
Date: 10/23/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Clint Barton (Just Hawkeye)

That's hard. I'm sorry.

I'm at Stark Tower -- long story -- and there's plenty of access to the news here, so I heard about it. I didn't realize he was one of the ones you'd been watching out for. But it's all coming out on the national news, all the threats the FBI had been trying to keep secret, the deaths over the last couple of days... 

Check with Natasha.

She's got a theory now that everything we know about -- the threats, the attacks -- are just a smoke screen for an even bigger plan, something to do with the new SHIELD they're trying to put together in Washington. She's already uncovered a bunch of secret connections and communication channels, and is working to trace them back.

She might want some help.

 

Subject: Barton  
Date: 10/23/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Clint Barton (Just Hawkeye)

No, I'm not going to play target any more.

They're not -that- stupid. 

 

Subject: 24.  
Date: 10/23/14  
Posted by: Steve Rogers  
Status: Public

I'd like to express my sincere condolences to anyone who lost someone to the recent Hydra attacks. It's a terrible thing, and you have all my sympathy for your loss.

 

Subject: You again  
Date: 10/24/14  
From: Steve Rogers  
Status: Private to Anon32

Thank you.

I'll pass it on to someone who will be able to wring every bit of information out of it.

 

Subject: Natasha  
Date: 10/25/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Natasha Romanov (Concise. Unlike Some.)

Ha ha. Very funny.

I'm not even going to touch that one. Sounds like you're on to something, though.

That's right. I'm stuck here because Stark's ability to order takeout is so much better than mine. It's the only place I can get a decent meal.

 

Subject: Sam  
Date: 10/25/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Sam Wilson (Codename Falcon)

Glad to hear it.

You sure?

Yeah, Bucky's here. We talked.

Stark and Natasha are both homing in on something -- it looks like they're going to pinpoint the big Hydra operation from two different angles. I'm just waiting for them to give me a target. I'm not planning on sitting it out.

I guess that means I can't tell you to either. But just out of the hospital isn't all better, and you really ought to give that shoulder some rest. Healing takes time.

 

Subject: Sam  
Date: 10/25/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Sam Wilson (Codename Falcon)

Yeah, well, things are different now.

It went okay. He's mad at me for not telling him earlier, but then sometimes he's not really -mad- mad, it's just... Joshing around, I guess. Like we used to.

Oh, yeah, art therapy, mostly.

 

Subject: Sam  
Date: 10/25/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Sam Wilson (Codename Falcon)

No, I meant Bucky, not me. And I don't mean anything much, just a joke. Or not exactly a joke, because sometimes when I get a peek inside Bucky's mind, it's really not funny, but at least I know art means something to him. He never was an artist, that was me, but...

I can't explain. It's like sometimes he's not really there, or he's just faking it, and that worries me. But he'll pay attention if I'm drawing even when he won't pay attention if I'm talking. He'll sit nearby and watch what I'm doing, and maybe say something every now and then.

And there was that stuff in the diner. When I saw that, after months of chasing what might as well have been a ghost -- that was when I knew we were going to find him eventually, and be able to bring him home. It was a message to me, in a language we used to share.

So we've been painting the suite Stark gave me, to cover up the horrible red white and blue walls. I just thought it might be something we could share. It's not exactly art, except when I draw things on the wall, then sometimes he does too, and then paints over them again.

You mean there's something actually called art therapy? How do I find out more? 

 

Subject: Sam  
Date: 10/25/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Sam Wilson (Codename Falcon)

I forgot that you didn't see inside the diner. 

It was pretty destroyed upstairs, but in the basement there was a room where he must have slept, and it was lit with strands of those tiny electric lights you see a lot at Christmas, and the walls were filled with pictures of cookware -- the enamel kind, that come in all different colors. It looked a little crazy, I guess. It wouldn't have meant anything to anyone but me.

When we were in high school, I got picked to paint a mural on the wall of the entrance to the school, and Bucky was there the whole time. I'd do the outlines and he'd fill in with a solid color, and then I'd do the details...

It took months, and Bucky was there for every second of it. And that's what he made on the walls, pieced together like a crazy quilt, but the colors and the proportions were all just right. The little pictures were carefully cut out pictures of enamel pots and pans in red and yellow and blue, but the big picture was big color blocks of a mural representing of Freedom in four ordinary street scenes. (Ordinary except for the laurel crowns and torches representing the light of freedom... It seemed like a good idea at the time.)

But that's when I knew he cared about remembering. No way that just happened. It took real work.

 

Subject: Sam  
Date: 10/25/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Sam Wilson (Codename Falcon)

Not just me, -we- were young. Bucky helped me design that mural. I think the torches were his idea.

 

Subject: Sam  
Date: 10/25/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Sam Wilson (Codename Falcon)

Yeah, Bucky used to cook. When we roomed together, whenever we had something good, he'd cook it up. I was hopeless. Still am, but microwave ovens help a lot.

He doesn't cook any more. I guess maybe he forgot, or maybe he doesn't like microwave ovens. Those pictures were just from a stack of catalogs the owner of the diner piled up before it closed down.

 

Subject: Sam  
Date: 10/25/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Sam Wilson (Codename Falcon)

I really don't know.

Okay, I'll let you know as soon as anything happens.

 

Subject: Dr. Banner  
Date: 10/26/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Bruce Banner (All Science All The Time) 

Actually, I've got a headache.

I used to get headaches all the time. It's probably normal.

 

Subject: Dr. Banner  
Date: 10/26/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Bruce Banner (All Science All The Time) 

Okay, I'll be right down.


	26. Chapter 26

Subject: Natasha  
Date: 10/27/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Natasha Romanov (Concise. Unlike Some.)

Got it.

 

Subject: We're moving out!  
Date: 10/27/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Natasha Romanov (Concise. Unlike Some.), Sam Wilson (Codename Falcon), Tony Stark (That's Irony Man to You), Clint Barton (Just Hawkeye), Bruce Banner (All Science All The Time) 

Here's what we know, and how we know it:

1) Several lobbyists, Senate aides, and other influential Senate staffers behind the scenes of the New SHIELD bill are taking orders from Hydra. One lobbyist is also using Hydra resources for her own purposes (more on this further on).

Source: Natasha. How sure: no doubt.

2) The New SHIELD bill calls for a core of leadership from other law enforcement agencies or from the military to lead the new SHIELD. 

Source: the news. How sure: no doubt.

3) Hydra infiltrated more than just SHIELD. The FBI seems to be the most deeply compromised -- that FBI guy was not just a fluke -- but it doesn't stop there. They have highly placed people and influence all over. These people may not be completely loyal to Hydra, we know Hydra uses blackmail to get what they want, but even if they're not loyal to Hydra, these people are a danger. Some of that went down with SHIELD, but not all of it. 

We know how many and have some ideas about the kinds of positions these people are in, but we don't know who they are.

Source: anonymous source within Hydra. How sure: unsure, but Stark says it would be hard to fake the data she gave us. Also, it makes sense. They've had plenty of time to recruit and develop their operations; why put all their eggs in one basket? They're more thinly spread outside of SHIELD, but they're there. I believe that.

4) Putting together #2 and #3, there's an obvious opportunity for Hydra to try to place either their own people or people they know are sympathetic to their aims in the new SHIELD. With all the rush to get an organization together to deal with all the problems left behind when SHIELD folded, they could dig even deeper into the new SHIELD than they were in the old SHIELD. 

That's one problem. We have more.

5) Hydra has an instance of the Project Insight algorithm running in a data center, and is sending out instructions to their agents, sympathizers, blackmail victims, and so on from this one central location.

Source: Natasha. How sure: pretty sure.

6) The Project Insight algorithm can only run on specialized hardware and state of the art computers, and it takes every bit of processing power you give it, so they're unlikely to have a backup.

Source: Stark. How sure: playing the odds here.

7) Most of the people who died in the recent Hydra attacks were law enforcement or military.

Source: Barton. The news. How sure: We know who died. We don't know if there were any others we don't know about. If not most, then many.

8) The data center running the Project Insight algorithm is located in a hidden Hydra facility disguised as a cloud computing startup company. (This has nothing to do with the weather. Also, please don't try to explain, I really don't need to know.)

Source: Natasha and Stark tracked down the facility using Hydra agents' movement patterns, some kind of internet trace, and old fashioned talking to the neighbors to pinpoint the location. How sure: There's some kind of computer facility there, and we're pretty sure the orders are coming from here. But don't ask me why, I can't even repeat it believably. But when Natasha and Stark both agree -- and you do -- then I'm pretty sure you must be right.

9) Putting it all together: Hydra is using Project Insight to tell them who will oppose them. Not in general, they're not taking out high school cheerleaders who will inevitably oppose them then years from now. They're predicting exactly who might be chosen to be a part of the new SHIELD, and if they would present dangerous opposition to their plans for the new organization, they're eliminating them.

How sure: This is a guess. I think it's a pretty good guess.

But Hydra has problems too:

10) One of the Hydra lobbyists has access to this data center, and is using it to push even harder against various Senators, running the algorithm to predict who's opposed to her projects and what secrets they have that she can exploit. This doesn't seem to be Hydra-sanctioned blackmail, it's on her own initiative.

Source: Natasha. How sure: no doubt.

 

Of course we're not going to let Hydra get away with this. Here's the plan:

1) Alert the police / FBI to pick up the Hydra agents we've been tracking. Also, give them the data we have about associates, locations that Hydra has been using, etc. 

It needs to be done soon. Some of these agents are good, and have already eluded our tracking. 

But some of them haven't, so this should disrupt Hydra operations and any response they're going to try to put together when the rest of the plan goes into action.

2) Barton will install the temporary blocking device on the cables that connect the lobbyist's office to the internet. Access through the wall of the office next door. Then he'll pose as the cable repair guy and get access to the lobbyist's computer and install the virus and the cameras in her office.

3) As soon as the meeting between the lobbyist and the Senator's aide begins, Sam and I will confront the Senator with the evidence of blackmail and Hydra corruption in the new SHIELD plans. We'll show her live footage of her staffer being blackmailed by Hydra, and all the other evidence we have about Hydra's plans. 

I also want to look her in the eye and ask her what she thinks she's doing.

Natasha is sure the Senator is clean, just misguided, so that should stop the new SHIELD bill.

We'll stick with her until we're sure she's safe. 

4) Barton will destroy the blackmail material, and use the passcodes Natasha obtained to access the data center remotely. He'll load Stark's computer virus using the lobbyist's account. Barton, let Jarvis know when you're done so he can alert the police / FBI about this lobbyist too. That'll be the last police alert.

5) By this time, Natasha will have broken into the data center. Stark will access their servers using the back door left by that virus. Stark will get as much of their data as possible for later analysis, and then install the bugs and the transmitter. 

He'll erase the virus and any evidence that he's been in their system, and leave.

Since their traffic will remain the same, and our eavesdropping will go out on a separate channel, the likelihood of them detecting this after the fact is low.

If they detect it while the break in is in progress... That's why Natasha's there. Stark, let Natasha take care of anyone who shows up. We need a hacker, not Iron Man this time around.

6) Once we have the bugs installed, we'll have access to all of Hydra's Insight-based plans. We'll know who they're targeting, and can get them arrested every time they make a move.

And if anyone in the police or FBI tries to let them get away, we'll know that much more about Hydra in the police or FBI. If we know their plans, we can eventually identify every active Hydra agent, every person they've got under their thumb. It's only a matter of time.

7) Dr. Banner, I just included you on this as a courtesy. I respect your desire to keep out of fights if possible. I don't expect you or your alter ego to be needed. 

 

Hydra is spread thin, they're more exposed, and just like our side has weaknesses, they're filled with weaknesses, and I think we're in a good position to exploit those weaknesses. We can do this.

Questions, discussion?

Otherwise, we'll move on this tomorrow. No sense waiting.

 

Subject: Dr. Banner  
Date: 10/27/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Bruce Banner (All Science All The Time) 

Okay. If you want, you can stick around outside as backup for Natasha and Stark.

They're the main operation, so that's where you'd have the biggest effect if anything goes wrong. You can be our backup distraction. There's not a lot that's more distracting.

 

Subject: Barton  
Date: 10/27/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Clint Barton (Just Hawkeye)

Blackmail is an ugly crime, and I don't want any part of it.

That's a good point. Yeah, it's possible they're not targeting new SHIELD, maybe they're targeting the FBI as their new host. 

But it doesn't change anything. We'll have more information soon, if this all goes as planned.

My money's still on the new SHIELD as Hydra's target. They've influenced its creation, and this rush to get it started -- if the bill passes, they'd have a new SHIELD starting up before Congress is even finished with their hearings about the old SHIELD. It's too early to put together a new organization and hope to avoid the mistakes of the old organization, and Hydra must know that.

 

Subject: Natasha  
Date: 10/27/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Natasha Romanov (Concise. Unlike Some.)

They think they're good at hiding. Not good enough.

 

Subject: Natasha  
Date: 10/27/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Natasha Romanov (Concise. Unlike Some.)

Yeah, I talked to him about it. If there's no fight, we don't need him, and if there is a fight, if Hydra figures out what we're doing in time to try to stop us, then I don't want Bucky there. We don't know what they could do to him, or what might remind him, what might trigger him.

That was your call. This is my call.

 

Subject: 25.  
Date: 10/27/14  
Posted by: Steve Rogers  
Status: Public

In response to the questions I've been getting about what it all means: the Hydra attacks don't change anything. I still think Hydra is doomed. And I'm not scared, I'm angry.


	27. Chapter 27

Subject: 26.  
Date: 10/29/14  
Posted by: Steve Rogers  
Status: Public

There's been a lot on the news the last couple of days about the big Hydra bust, and there's been a lot of confusion coming my way about my involvement, or asking me to weigh in, or just wanting to know that I'm all right.

First of all, I'm all right.

But it's easy to understand why there would be questions. You've probably seen on the news that there was a scare about the Chitauri returning, that it turned out to be Hydra using salvaged Chitauri antigrav sleds to stage a rescue of one of their lobbyists.

You've probably seen that iconic shot of Clint Barton using a single arrow to set up a crash that dropped five antigrav sleds -- boom boom boom boom boom, just like a trick shot at pool -- and you've seen him answering questions on the news, and mentioning Steve Rogers was there.

And you've probably seen how they keep replaying that shot from the fight a month ago -- the bloody one that I didn't want to talk about -- and speculating about the flying knives used in both fights, and whether they use Chitauri antigrav technology, whether Hydra was tipping their hand in that fight a month ago, and no one realized...

And after all that, you might be wondering why you haven't seen me in any of the -current- news footage. You know what to look for, and it's hard to miss Captain America. He's big and tall and carrying a star-spangled shield.

 

The truth is, you have seen me.

I got there a little late, and by the time I got there the place was already swarming with police and FBI on the ground. Two sleds worth of Hydra had taken cover in that office building. Barton was up on top of a nearby building, keeping them pinned down. When I got there, the police were setting up a line and keeping civilians out, and they wouldn't let me past.

I was in contact with Barton, and he knew the ground -- he told me how to get around in back of Hydra, so I recruited some backup (it wasn't easy, but once they realized I knew the way, they were willing to follow me) and we came around and forced Hydra out of their hidey-hole, and then Barton took them down and the police and FBI took it from there.

Me and my recruits were clearing the scene when the bomb went off. It wasn't a very big bomb. It was probably supposed to go off a few minutes earlier, and be a distraction to cover their escape, but plans are dangerous things. Their bomb went off late, and they didn't have that distraction and got captured. Their bomb went off late, and a man and a woman of the Metropolitan Police were injured when they wouldn't have been if it had gone off as planned.

I was right behind those two officers, but I wasn't hurt much, just a scratch along the side of my head.

But you have seen me on tv, you just didn't recognize me. I was in the footage of the wounded being evacuated from the office building: I was the little guy with the blood on his face being pushed into an ambulance. Head wounds always bleed a lot, even when they're scratches.

I guess you all know that it's not thanks to my parents' genetics, but rather to Dr. Abraham Erskine that I was as big and strong as I was, and had the special abilities that I did. Turns out that wasn't as permanent as I thought.

I'm smaller than I used to be, but I'm still the same Steve Rogers.

I won't be taking questions about what happened to make me this way. Rest assured, it's under investigation. And like I said, I'm all right.

I hope that clears everything up.

 

Subject: Dr. Banner  
Date: 10/29/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Bruce Banner (All Science All The Time) 

Someone would have figured it out pretty soon. It's better this way.

I don't mind. I guess there were advantages to keeping it a secret, but I feel good about this.

 

Subject: Bruce  
Date: 10/29/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Bruce Banner (All Science All The Time) 

No, I don't think that at all. Some things are better secret. Some things are uncomfortable secrets.

Some are both.

Thanks for thinking of me. If that happens, I'll be ready.

It's not really the same, and you have to make your own choices. But you know that.

 

Subject: 27.  
Date: 10/29/14  
Posted by: Steve Rogers  
Status: Public

After my last entry, I've been getting a number of repetitions of one question, more than any other now:

Am I still Captain America?

 

I don't fit into the uniform any more, and the shield's a bit heavy for me.

Is that what it means to be Captain America?

I'm still fighting for what I believe in, and I'm never going to stop doing that.

Is that what it means to be Captain America?

I think it is, but the more I think about it, I'm not sure it's up to me. Captain America isn't an official position. I don't go around selling bonds any more. I'm not fighting a war, and I'm probably not going to play the same role at the front lines if aliens invade again.

I'd still be there, because that's what you do when aliens invade, but I won't be bigger and stronger than everyone else. And if no one looks to me...

If I just get lost in the crowd, like that little guy you didn't notice was even there on the news...

Captain America is a little bit more than plain Steve Rogers, or even Captain Rogers. And maybe I started it, maybe I made something that was supposed to be a story into something real, but that's not the end of it. I can't be Captain America if no one thinks I'm Captain America.

I'll fight for what I believe in, but being Captain America -- it's not something I'm going to fight for. I'm Steve Rogers, and if you want me to be Captain America, then I will be. If not, then being Steve Rogers is good enough for me.

So I don't know, you tell me.

Am I still Captain America?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't had a regular posting schedule anyway, but just so you know: since this seems like a good point to pause and regroup, I'm going to take a break from posting this story for a while. I'm not sure exactly how long it'll be, but probably at least two weeks and less than a month.
> 
> I do have an ending in mind that I really want to get to (it's still on track for it being somewhere around entry 50) and a bunch of ideas for what happens in between this point and that, and every intention of finishing this :)
> 
> Steve's Blog will resume sometime in May.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I started writing this before Avengers: Age of Ultron came out, I'm not going to be using (or aiming toward) AoU canon.

Subject: 28.  
Date: 10/31/14  
Posted by: Steve Rogers  
Status: Public

Happy Halloween!

I've been getting pictures and links to people dressed up like Captain America all day, some of them happy and proud (good for you!), and some of them just a little apologetic. No need for apologies, everyone, I think it's great that you want to dress up as Captain America. Some of the costumes are mighty creative, too.

I'm dressing up as Peter Pan this year, so if you see a pint-sized guy in green tights zipping around the skies over Manhattan, you'll know who it is. (I'm not even joking, or not entirely. I've got what seems to be a serious offer for propulsion on the table to go with my costume this year.)

(As for the tights, I guess there are some things you just can't get away from.)

 

There are a few things I need to say to wrap up from last time:

1) Thanks to everyone who's said something about me still being Captain America. I appreciate your comments, and it's a privilege to be able to be Captain America.

But I don't want you to get the wrong idea. I'm not irreplaceable, and neither is Captain America. I'm not single-handedly keeping everyone in America safe (I do my best, but...) I'm still just a guy from Brooklyn, and I know that I'm nothing special. There's still guys and gals from Brooklyn -- and other places -- just like me, and I hope you'll remember that too. Give those guys and gals the same chance you'd give me, no matter what you think when you first look at them.

2) I've got a backlog of questions about the Chitauri -- I guess now that we know Hydra's using Chitauri technology, everyone's interested.

I'm just as interested as you are, so I've asked Dr. Liu, who's been studying the Chitauri for years, to do a couple of guest blogs here to try to answer some of the biggest questions. I hope you'll stay tuned for that.

3) I've also got a backlog of questions about Hydra and their capabilities -- 

I don't want to spend a lot of time talking about Hydra, but I'll just say first off, if the only thing they've got in reserve is Chitauri sleds and flying knives, then I'm not scared. The authorities were very quick to adapt to those weapons during the bust, and it's nothing that can't be dealt with pretty easily. Chitauri anti-grav technology isn't a super-weapon.

The other thing I'm hearing is fear that Hydra is everywhere. Yeah, I'm not going to lie, hidden Hydra agents can do a lot of damage, but always remember that Hydra is tiny, and they depend on hiding and fear, and on spreading their methodology of control along with the fear.

So don't act like Hydra because you're afraid of Hydra. Don't support any measure that erodes liberty to try to capture Hydra. That's how they made themselves powerful in the first place.

But we can stop them. The big bust isn't the end, but it's a sign of things to come.

 

Subject: Jarvis  
Date: 10/31/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Jarvis (Ask and You Shall Receive)

Thanks for looking after the blog the last couple of days.

Anything I should know?

 

Subject: Jarvis  
Date: 10/31/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Jarvis (Ask and You Shall Receive)

I know. But I couldn't do it without you.

Thanks again. Good to know that everything's under control and there hasn't been anything too out of line.

 

Subject: Natasha  
Date: 10/31/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Natasha Romanov (Concise. Unlike Some.)

Just saying what I think. If anyone wants to listen -- 

I'm pretty hopeful that the whole idea of a New SHIELD is dead now, but I've been pulled into it so many times, I guess I got into the habit of taking an interest.

 

Subject: Natasha  
Date: 10/31/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Natasha Romanov (Concise. Unlike Some.)

No, but if that's what you're up to, I'll direct anyone who wants to talk business at the party tonight to you. Me? I plan to force Bucky to have a demo fight with me, because I think that's what he needs out of his costume choice. Other than that... No plans.

 

Subject: Stark  
Date: 10/31/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Tony Stark (That's Irony Man to You)

Good idea about the guest post, and Dr. Liu was happy to do it.

Now when are -you- going to stop answering questions about the Chitauri?

 

Subject: Stark  
Date: 10/31/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Tony Stark (That's Irony Man to You)

Yeah, it sure doesn't look like you're having that much fun. I'd say it's the opposite, every time the Chitauri come up.

 

Subject: Stark  
Date: 10/31/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Tony Stark (That's Irony Man to You)

I never claimed to be insightful, but if that's the way you want to spin it... 

Yeah, see you tonight. Going to tell me what your costume is going to be?

 

Subject: Stark  
Date: 10/31/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Tony Stark (That's Irony Man to You)

"Aww, shucks"? Yeah, if that's your idea of a joke about Captain America, then no wonder you're going as Julius Caesar. 

 

Subject: Stark  
Date: 10/31/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Tony Stark (That's Irony Man to You)

I didn't know that. Natasha is pretty accomplished, though.

 

Subject: Bucky  
Date: 10/31/14  
From: Steve Rogers  
Status: Private to James Buchanan Barnes

You're the one who picked out your costume. No taking it back now.

 

Subject: Bucky  
Date: 10/31/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to James Buchanan Barnes

No, you can't go as The Man in the Iron Mask. You'll get Stark confused. He think everything with Iron in it belongs to him.

 

Subject: Bucky  
Date: 10/31/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to James Buchanan Barnes

Never thought I'd see the day when Bucky Barnes wanted to sit out of the party.

No you jerk, you can't be Robin Hood, not even for the matching green tights. You'll confuse Barton. He thinks everything involving a bow belongs to him.

Come on, Buck, it won't be that bad. But if you're really serious about the costume making you uncomfortable, you can go as Captain America if you want to, I'll let you borrow my shield and everything.

 

Subject: Bucky  
Date: 10/31/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to James Buchanan Barnes

Dr. Banner is going as Einstein. I think he's making fun of himself. Stark is going as Julius Caesar, and I don't think he's making fun of himself.

Natasha told me that Halloween, as it's celebrated in the current century, is a time when young girls can experiment with dressing sexy without consequences, so in the spirit of experimentation, she's going as Anne of Green Gables. I said I didn't think Anne of Green Gables was sexy, and she said "exactly". I guess I was being a bit dense there.

 

Subject: Bucky  
Date: 10/31/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to James Buchanan Barnes

Maybe. I thought it meant she's experimenting with being wholesome. 

I don't know what Barton's going to be, but that's not the point.

Halloween is when nothing counts. Just wear the Captain Hook costume, you jerk, and own it -- dark and sinister man. I'm not going to let you out of this, so you might as well just surrender now, before I feed you to the crocodile.

 

Subject: Bucky  
Date: 10/31/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to James Buchanan Barnes

Who said Peter Pan was the hero?

I'm exploring my irresponsible side tonight.


	29. Chapter 29

Subject: 29.  
Date: 11/03/14  
Posted by: Alison Liu  
Status: Public

Hello and welcome to Chitauri Question Hour. I'm your guide, Dr. Alison Liu of Columbia University, and I'm honored to be here on Captain Rogers' blog to answer all your questions about the Chitauri. 

The original plan was for me to talk about what's been discovered (by myself and by other researchers) about the class of Chitauri technology we've been calling "biomechanical", how it works and how to break it, and (because this is after all Captain America's blog) what that means for you if you ever find yourself in the unenviable position of needing to fight a Chitauri (or someone using their technology).

But due to recent breaking news, there's been a slight change of plan.

Steve's given me a few questions to start things off, and I'll be around in the comments answering any questions you might have about the recently discovered "Chitauri Morgue" and what it might mean.

(And if you at any point find yourself thinking that you'd really like to hear about biomechanical Chitauri technology too, don't despair, I've persuaded Steve to let me publish my previously planned essay at a later date. Thanks, Steve!)

Steve: Do you think "Chitauri Morgue" is an accurate description of the site that's been discovered?

Me: No, I don't. But it's catchy, isn't it? However, there is no evidence that any living Chitauri have had anything to do with the site (for which let's all breath a big sigh of relief), and from the details that have already been made public, it's pretty clear that it's not a morgue, but rather a dump site. This is where someone (and let's not be coy, it's almost certainly Hydra) dumped the failed results of their experiments into cloning Chitauri.

Steve: Is there any chance that they went on to succeed? Could there be a living Chitauri out there somewhere, on Earth? 

Me: Unless they've made several dozen major breakthroughs in exogenetics, the chances that they could produce a viable Chitauri is indistinguishable from zero. And let's face it, even from the little we've seen of their dump site, it's clear to me that their failures were not very far along. They seem to have ignored everything we know about the Chitauri life cycle and just created something that looks like a Chitauri in some respects, from a distance, but couldn't have functioned as one.

Even in the pictures that were leaked, blurry as they are, it's clear that these were not viable living organisms.

Steve: Is this even important? You seem to be taking it pretty lightly.

Me: Truthfully? Yes and no. Is it important to our understanding of the Chitauri? Not really. Is it important to our understanding of Hydra and their capabilities? That's not my area, but I can take a squint at it from afar and say the answer is probably yes. Another pin on the map, another note in the notebook (or whatever it is that detectives do these days, my vision of detecting has been unduly influenced by golden age detective novels, I'm afraid).

Steve: Do you have any guesses about why they needed Chitauri clones?

Me: There are some connections between Chitauri biology and their technology, maybe they were experimenting with that. I can't really guess without more information than some blurry pictures and unnuanced news stories, but I do think that the important aspect of this is that they weren't viable. Figure out why they didn't care if they were viable, and my guess is you'll be looking at another facet of Hydra's Chitauri weapons project.

Can I ask you a question now?

Steve: Sure.

Me: Do you think this has anything to do last week? It seems like an awfully strange coincidence that the Chitauri have been in the news lately because Hydra's been using their technology, and suddenly we find Chitauri clones dumped in the woods near a major highway. Is there some reason for Hydra to want us to know...?

Steve: If there's any connection between the scare over the antigrav sleds and now this, it's not something I know about. But if I had to guess, I'd say that the sudden focus on Chitauri in the news made hiding their work on the Chitauri clones harder. Or they're just running out of places to hide. I always said that was going to happen.

I have one last question. What kinds of things do you expect that we'll be finding out about the Chitauri Morgue in the next couple of days, as the investigation progresses?

Me: I'm going to assume you mean information about Hydra's intentions with regard to their Chitauri cloning project. Of course, there could be other information there, regular clues for regular detectives to follow, but if you mean biological information that might translate into clues...

Obviously, they're going to examine the Chitauri's genetic information. We've sequenced quite a bit of the Chitauri genome, and if someone can identify the original Chitauri they were cloning, that might lead to some insight.

I expect they will also examine all the bodies thoroughly to try to establish how they died, and identify any genetic changes, physical changes, any diseases the Chitauri clones might be harboring, anything out of the ordinary -- or outside of our usual understand of Chitauri biology.

When you say the next few days, you're probably underestimating how long this is going to take. If there's one thing that we all take more seriously than the Chitauri, it's Hydra, and if there's one thing we take more seriously than Hydra, it's the Chitauri. Combine the two, and they'll be sending samples out to labs for months, hoping to discover more. I would expect two or three weeks before we learn most of this information -- and that's assuming they don't try to keep it secret once they start finding anything interesting.

Steve: I guess we'll all just have to stay tuned, then. Anything else you want to say?

Me: Thanks for asking! As long as I have this opportunity, I do want to put in a plug for the [Exobiology Outreach Center](), a multi-university project aimed at dispelling myths about aliens and sharing academic findings with the general public in a clear and understandable way.

As a reminder, I'll be around in the comments answering any questions you might have about the Chitauri (ask me anything! it doesn't have to be about the morgue or the news). And now, over to you.

 

Subject: Sam  
Date: 11/03/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Sam Wilson (Codename Falcon)

Yeah, the news got me out of my cave, if that's what you want to call it.

But Dr. Liu put me right about that. She reminds me of Peggy. I'm taking a healthy interest, but it's curiosity, plain and simple. I'm not gearing up for anything because of this.

 

Subject: Sam  
Date: 11/03/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Sam Wilson (Codename Falcon)

I just saw your other message, too. You should have brought it up in person, I don't check this enough, obviously. You didn't have to wait for me to post again. You know where I live.

Anyway, I'll...see what I can do.

 

Subject: Sam  
Date: 11/03/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Sam Wilson (Codename Falcon)

Well, I haven't seen Stark since the party. Have you?

I was thinking about how she told me I was "so dramatic". If I went chasing after every mention of Hydra in the news, that'd be pretty dramatic, don't you think? Like Dr. Liu said, it's a job for detectives, and spies.

 

Subject: Sam  
Date: 11/03/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Sam Wilson (Codename Falcon)

Yeah, talk to Natasha.

But you're welcome to stick around with Bucky and me for as long as you want. Stark won't even notice. And Bucky won't mind. He likes you (or maybe he just likes your breakfasts).

Whether or not Hydra is on the run, whether they just need a little push to topple over... I'm all for keeping an eye out, but the plan hasn't changed. At least, not that I know of. Like I said, I'll see what I can do.

 

Subject: Barton  
Date: 11/03/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Clint Barton (Just Hawkeye)

Is that what you wanted to ask me at the party? I didn't notice anything either way.

Sorry it took me so long to get back to you, I've been distracted the last couple of days. I'm sure you know why.

You probably ought to talk to Natasha about that. Or has she gone to ground? If she's out of touch... You'd have been the guy I asked, to track her down.

 

Subject: Barton  
Date: 11/03/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Clint Barton (Just Hawkeye)

I can do that.

 

Subject: Natasha  
Date: 11/03/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Natasha Romanov (Concise. Unlike Some.)

As you probably know, Barton wants to talk to you. 

You doing okay?

 

Subject: Ms. Potts  
Date: 11/03/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Pepper Potts (CEO, Stark Industries, Goddess of Everything)

Yeah, we should probably talk. I'm pretty sure Bucky's not going to make any moves, Natasha has had her say, and Stark...

I'm not going to speculate about Stark.

What did you have in mind?

 

Subject: Ms. Potts  
Date: 11/03/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Pepper Potts (CEO, Stark Industries, Goddess of Everything)

You know, I'd pretty much figured out that part. But whatever he feels about Howard, finding out that your mysterious guest killed your father has got to be

Look, I'm not blaming Stark. Yeah, maybe it would have made things easier if he wasn't the kind of guy who spends his Halloween party publicly hacking the last level of super-encrypted SHIELD files and finding out who the Winter Soldier is and what he's done, but that's Tony Stark, right? 

And of course that was going to turn the Halloween party into an instant split with everyone taking sides. How else could that have gone? All I really wanted when I said what I said was to get Bucky out of there as quickly as possible.

I assume Stark's still in touch with Natasha? At least, that's what I was assuming, until I saw some of the stuff that's been going around. That's my first priority right now, with this. We've got Hydra surveillance going on, we can't stop because this happened.

But yeah, obviously if Bucky goes, I'm going with him. Thanks for letting us stay this long.

 

Subject: Ms. Potts  
Date: 11/03/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Pepper Potts (CEO, Stark Industries, Goddess of Everything)

Okay, thanks for letting us stay. I do appreciate it, and I know it must have been a tough decision.

Bucky's not angry. He's been hard to read ever since I found him again, like ... like he doesn't know -how- to react to anything. But he's not angry, not at Stark, not at anyone. Guilty, maybe.

Natasha was more angry than Bucky was, even when Stark went after Bucky like that.

-I- was more angry than Bucky was.

But yeah, we can talk more over dinner, if that's how you want to do it. I don't really know if this is something that can be settled or smoothed over, but I think it's a good idea for us to talk. Try to work -something- out, as less involved parties, and the people who know them best.

 

Subject: Ms. Potts  
Date: 11/03/14  
From: Steve Rogers ()  
Status: Private to Pepper Potts (CEO, Stark Industries, Goddess of Everything)

Yeah, Howard was my friend too.

I haven't really processed it.

It's okay, though.


End file.
